Desperate Times, Desperate Measures
by Kayliem1999
Summary: Christopher St.James has it all; his parents are Broadway stars, he is the male lead of the New Directions and he starts for the soccer team. Alexa Puckerman used to fit into his lifestyle, but she ditched the good girl style and turned into a rebel. What could these two former best friends do for each other? What will happen when old feelings rise to the surface? Set in 2035.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I am not entirely sure of where this is going or how this will end up, so bear with me here. I obviously don't own anything. Not Glee and not She's Kinda Hot by 5SOS. If I did, however, own Glee, season 5 and 6 would have been entirely different.**

It wasn't easy being at the top of the food chain at a school like William McKinley High School. Given that it was such a small town, the kids that did rank high up in the charts were like royalty and with that crown came unbelievably difficult responsibilities. Every little detail had to be perfect. For boys, the coolest kicks and the freshest haircut. For girls, they had to be beautiful and graceful and basically perfect.

Christopher knew that better than anyone. He was no stranger to popularity and he didn't ever waste time denying the fact that he was the man to be. Not only was he the male lead of the New Directions and the captain of the soccer team, but he had parents who were both Tony award winning Broadway stars which gave him serious authority at a performing arts school. And to top it all off, he was currently dating Ally Hummel-Anderson, the most beautiful girl in school. Well, one of the most beautiful girls in school, her twin sister Tracey looked just like her.

Christopher's life was perfect. Perfect family, perfect voice, perfect hair and the perfect future practically set in stone for him. Just like his parents had been, he was destined to leave Lima. He didn't have his sights set for New York like his parents had, however. He was looking more in the direction of UCLA. They were pinning after him for soccer and music even though he was only a junior.

Unfortunately, not everyone was as lucky as he was.

Alexa Puckerman was about as low on the popularity scale as someone could get. She was one of those kids that hung out under the Finn Hudson Memorial tree after school with her other 'alternative' buddies. She dressed dark and though she wasn't necessarily popular, everyone knew about her. There was this air of mystery around her that made her the hottest topic of gossip at the school. No one really liked her, but in some weird and twisted way, she was actually pretty popular. Not that she seemed to care really, she was more focused on her sound. No one had heard her play really since her freshman year.

Yeah, she played piano in the school jazz band and she dabbled with basically every woodwind instrument known to mankind, but that music wasn't hers. Rumor had it that she played at a bar a few towns over with some guys who went to the community college. Chris had even heard someone say that she was the opening act for a Rolling Stones reunion tour over summer vacation. That seemed a little farfetched, but no one really knew for sure.

Like Chris, it was common knowledge that she aspired to leave Lima. She was looking for a record deal after attending a private performing arts college in Sacramento. Out of everyone in their graduating class, she would be the most likely to leave this town. Girls like her didn't belong here, she belonged in New York or LA where her spunk would put her ahead. Though no one would dare admit it, she was far more gifted than anyone the town had seen in a while. Her talent rivaled that of Rachel Berry's, and she had the attitude to match. Alexa wasn't the type of girl that came around very often.

Their freshman year, Alexa and Chris had been best friends, both heirs to a legacy in the New Directions. Together, the ruled the school. They sat with the cool upperclassman and everyone knew who they were. Alexa was a Cheerio, talented enough to be the top of the pyramid. Back then, she was the good girl with the long blonde hair like her mother's and a good future.

But something happened the summer before their sophomore year. She went off the deep end. Her style changed and there was no sight of the Alexa that they had all known. She quit the Cheerios and the final straw for Chris was when she dropped out of the New Directions. Who was this girl? Then, two weeks after school started, her older brother found her in her bathroom with nasty gashes in her wrist. No one really knew what happened, but when she came back to school no one dared ask her. Her brother Finn sure as hell not talking about it.

By that point, even her style was different. The cute floral skirts and pastel ballet flats had been replaced with skinny jeans and combat boots. Her hair was cut to her jaw line, the angular, uneven pieces highlighting the severity of her features. Her make up went dark and her green eyes went cold.

It was really sad actually, watching her transform like that. She had such great potential and in Chris' eyes, she was throwing it all away. For what? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't be friends with a girl like that. Not that she gave him much of an option in the first place, it appeared that when she disappeared to rehab she returned with the intention of completely shutting herself out from the world.

Yes, it was sad, but it couldn't hinder his future or his spotlight. It didn't take time to replace Alexa. Ally and Tracey Hummel were quick to step up and share the female lead. Soon, Alexa was forgotten. It was like she had never existed at all.

What did he care anyway? Chris had plenty of friends, plenty of popularity and a bright future. Alexa was replaceable, after all, the show must go on. Well, everything was almost perfect.

One of Ally and Tracey's dads had gotten a part in a Broadway play that he just couldn't turn down. The whole family was moving back to New York, leaving the glee club not only short two members, but missing a strong female lead.

Someone suggested that they just pull Erin from the Treble Tones, but she refused to leave her own Glee Club. After Mr. Evans held auditions, they were still were they left off. Only two girls tried out and neither was leading lady material.

Logan suggested that they just ask Alexa to come back. Chris shot that idea down so fast it made everyone else's head spin. "She wouldn't come back even if we asked her to," Chris said. "She hates us. And she isn't good for our image."

"But we need her, man," Bailey said. "We don't have much of a choice."

"Mr. Evans already approved it," Logan said. "Bailey is right, we need her."

So Chris and Ally found themselves in a grungy bar that advertised Lima Losers, the band that Finn said Alexa played in. And sure enough, there she was standing on the stage with her blue chrome guitar strapped to her body. There was a pick tucked in between her bright red lips and she was facing the drummer, chuckling at something he said while tuning her guitar. The other man standing next to her had a bright red Bentley on his torso.

Alexa had on a pair of black shorts over a pair of fishnet tights and a tight white t-shirt topped off with a pair of red converse and a black vest. Her dark eye makeup accentuated her harsh green eyes and there were pink streaks in her hair. Confidence just oozing off of her, she turned to the crowd taking the mic in her hand.

"How's everyone doin' tonight?" Alexa asked, her sickly sweet voice slicing through the bar rumble. A chorus of goods and greats filled the air. There was one man sitting at a table in front of the bar that shouted, 'you're hot' his voice slurring around the two simple words. Chris felt anger boiling up inside of him, that man had to be into his late forties and Alexa, though she was wearing enough makeup to disguise exactly how young she was, it wasn't hard to tell that she was far too young for that pig.

"Thanks, sweetie," Alexa replied. She turned away from the microphone and faced the other members of her band. Chris watched her nimble fingers pluck at the stings on her guitar. He remembered on her thirteenth birthday how big she had smiled when her father handed her that very guitar.

"My girlfriend's bitchin' cause I always sleep in," the man with the guitar sang into his microphone. Chris recognized him, he had graduated from McKinley a few years back. Lucas? No it was Darren Rossi. Chris didn't remember ever hearing about that kid singing, but man, was he good. "She's always screamin' when she's calling her friend. She's kinda hot though. Yeah, she's kinda hot though." 

"My shrink is telling me I got crazy dreams, she's also saying I got low self-esteem. She's kinda hot though. Yeah, she's kinda hot though. She put me on meds, she won't get out of my head. She's kinda hot though," Darren sang.

Alexa stepped up to the mic, her fingers never ceasing their dance on her guitar. Her lips touched the mic and she closed her eyes. Chris recognized that face, she was about to start blowing away the whole audience.

"My friend left college cause it felt like a job," Alexa started, her voice transforming in that way that he could never get out of his head. Even with the loud lyrics, Chris could still pick up that slight rasp that made her voice irresistible. "His mom and dad both think he's a slob. He's got a shot though. Yeah, he's got a shot though."

"She's better than I remember," Ally commented, shouting over the blaring music.

"When you've got bigger plans that no one else understands you've got a shot though," Alexa sang, her voice far angrier than he remembered. They say we're losers and we're alright with that  
We are the leaders of the not-coming-back's, but we're alright, though."

"Yeah, we're alright though," Darren added.

"We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene. Yeah, we're alright though," they sang together. Alexa like always, burst out into an excessively impressive guitar solo. It was like her body was one with the guitar and the music was coming from her, not the instrument.

"Sometimes I'm feeling like I'm going insane. My neighbor told me that I got bad brains, but I'm alright though," Alexa sang, a smile curling on her lips.

"Yeah, we'll be alright. Cause we're the kings and the queens of the new broken scene and we're alright though," Darren sang, looking over at Alexa with a look that made Chris' blood boil.

"They say we're losers and we're alright with that. We are the leaders of the not-coming-back's. But we're alright though," they belted out together.

"Yeah, we're alright though. We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene  
Yeah, we're alright though," Alexa finished, basking in the growing applause.

And like the rest of the people watching her kind of dumbfounded with the amount of talent her small body maintained, Chris and Ally clapped too. They watched the Lima Losers play a few more songs, all equally as impressive as the first. He couldn't help, but watch her perform. It was the way it always had been, she stole the show.

After the show was over, Chris and Ally waited for her to pack up her guitar and say goodbye to her bandmates before they approached her. She was almost out the door when she heard her name called. She expected it to be a man many years her senior wanting to tell her how amazing she was or how sexy she was, but when she turned around she didn't expect what she saw. Chris and Ally, two of her former best friends.

"What do you want?" She hissed, putting her hand on her hip.

"We need a favor," Ally said. "Oh would you look at the time, I really have to do…something…So I'm just gonna catch the bus. Chris I'll catch up with you later. Alexa you did amazing."

Chris glared at Ally while she pressed a kiss to his lips. She smiled brightly, tightening the fluorescent pink coat on her body before pushing open the door and fleeing the bar.

"You and Ally, huh?" Alexa said. "You guys are perfect for each other."

"Lex," Chris sighed. "We need a favour."

"Alexa," she corrected. "What the hell do you and Barbie want from me?"

"Actually, we all want something from you," Chris said.

"Oh, hell no," Alexa fired back. "I am _not_ re-joining your little glee club just because the plastic twins are moving to New York."

"We need you," Chris whined.

"Why would I come back?" Alexa asked. "What have any of you done for me?"

"I could tell Principal Shuester that you are the one who spray painted The Nude Directions in the auditorium."

"You wouldn't," Alexa said, her eyes sizing up the boy standing in front of her.

"Oh, my dear, I definitely would."


	2. Chapter 2

**I own nothing! I don't own Glee or People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson or Not Ready To Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks. I just own my ideas and obviously all of the made up characters.**

"Since when do you smoke?" Chris asked slightly appalled. She was smart enough to know what that would do to her lungs. But yet, there was a cigarette held between her lips and lighter in one hand. She lit it, smirking at him. After taking a drag, she pulled it out of her mouth and blew a puff of smoke into his face.

Despite his disgust with the newly formed habit, he couldn't help but watch her. The way her rosy lips curled around the cigarette and the little flame lit up her face. Yes, it was gross, but it was beautiful in a way too. Of course it was, Alexa made everything look beautiful. She was the most graceful girl he had ever met, not that he'd ever let her know that.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm not addicted. It takes me like three weeks to smoke a pack," Alexa replied. "I like what it does to my voice."

"Does Finn know that you smoke?" Chris asks, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets. They were outside the bar now, bundled up in jackets trying to keep out the late fall breeze.

"Nope," Alexa replied, taking another long drag on her cigarette. "What do you care anyway?"

"I don't know," Chris sighed. "It's just a disgusting habit, I guess. It diminishes your lung capacity, makes your breath reek, your teeth yellow and it's illegal for you to even have tobacco products."

"Who are you? My mother?" Alexa scoffed. Despite her eye roll, she dropped the cigarette and stomped it out with the toe of her sneaker.

"Do you need a ride home?" Chris asked her, really looking at her for the first time in over a year. Her eyes were colder than he remembered, weighed down with dark bags that reminded him of the internal pain she had hidden from everyone. The red lipstick had smudged, he assumed from her smoke. She was thinner than he remembered, the bones of her hips and elbows sticking out from beneath her clothes. Her face sagged in the slightest bit, probably from exhaustion, but didn't distract from the beauty that radiated off of her.

"No, I have a bus pass," Alexa said, pulling the straps of her guitar case further up on her shoulder.

"You're going to ride the bus back to Lima at night?" Chris asked incredulously. "It's like 12:30."

"So?" She questioned, a hand clamping down on the hip she jutted out.

"No, get in the car," Chris demanded unlocking the used Cadillac that he had been leaning on.

Alexa huffed in exasperation, but obliged, climbing into the passenger seat and slamming the door behind her. The car ride home was silent, neither able nor willing to break through the awkwardness the loomed over them. Not a word was uttered until they were back in Lima, driving down the main road.

"Turn here," Alexa said, when the car pulled up to the street she lived on.

"I know," Chris bit back, a little harsher than he intended to. He pulled into her driveway and nodded when she dropped a quiet 'thanks' as she opened the door. "Lex, wait," Chris called stopping her in her tracks. "Meet in the choir room at…"

"I know what time the New Directions meet," Alexa grumbled slamming the door behind her. Chris watched her walk up the front steps and disappear inside her house. He sat in the driveway until he saw the light in her bedroom –the room over the garage –flick on. He could see her silhouette through the cream colored curtains.

The next afternoon, Alexa stood outside the choir room watching her peers pour in. She was perched against a locker, her arms crossed over her chest just trying desperately to build up the courage or strength or maybe even humility to march back into the room she had practically sprinted out of a little over a year prior. To anyone who saw her, it must have looked like she was sizing up the classroom like a predator would its prey.

It wasn't like she didn't miss it. If she were totally honest, she wanted nothing more than to go back to the glee club. They were her family after all, they had always loved her. But she didn't belong there, not anymore.

She could hear giggling and chatter amongst the members of the choir. Every so often someone would walk into her line of vision holding a big smile on their lips. Alexa recognized the sound of Sam trying to reign in the group and failing miserably. She waited for his loud whistle to dissolve the discussions.

"Seniors, show me what you're working on," Sam instructed. Alexa knew that she should have referred to him as Mr. Evans, he was a teacher after all. But she had spent her entire childhood calling hum Uncle Sammi, at least she had dropped the uncle and childish flare to his name.

"We come into this world unknown, but know that we are not alone. They try and knock us down, but change is coming, it's our time now," Mallory's deep voice reverberated into the hallway.

"Hey… everybody loses it, everybody wants to throw it all away sometimes," Andrea sang. That girl sure could sing, she wasn't lead material, but her lungs would take her far. "And hey, yeah I know what you're going through, don't let it get the best of you, you'll make it out alive."

"Oh," a boy belted out.

"People like us, we've gotta stick together," they all sang. Alexa took this opportunity to step into the choir room. Everyone was surely distracted by the seniors' performance, they were notorious for their stage presence. "Keep your head up, nothing lasts forever. Here's to the damned, to the lost and forgotten. It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom."

She stood in the doorway, watching the show going on in front of her. Her brother was twirling Mallory around the room, smiling at her as they sang.

"Hey, this is not a funeral," Finn sang. Alexa smiled, she had heard him rehearsing his little solo in the shower this morning while she was waiting outside the door impatiently for her own turn in the bathroom.

"It's a revolution, after all your tears have turned to rage. Just wait, everything will be okay, even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames," Natasha belted out. She had never been in the club while Alexa had, but she remembered her performance at the drug awareness assembly.

Alexa listened intently as the song completed, kind of amazed at how amazing her brother had become in the last year. She hadn't really paid much attention to him far too caught up with herself.

"Little Puckerman," Sam said. "Do you have anything prepared to audition for us?"

"Chris didn't say anything about auditioning," she hissed glaring at the boy in question.

"It's just a formality really," Sam replied. "Do you have anything that you could perform?"

"I could probably shake something up," Alexa huffed, pulling her guitar case off of her back. She pulled out the guitar, holding the guitar pick between her lips. Chris watched her carefully, not sure if he was worried she would do something drastic or if he just couldn't stop staring at her.

With her back turned to her audience, she tuned her guitar quickly. When she got the satisfactory sound from her instrument, she turned to face the crowd of people staring at her expectantly and skeptically.

"What song will you be performing for us?" Sam asked.

"Not Ready To Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks," Alexa replied, suddenly feeling every bit of confidence that she had been faking drain out of her.

"Country, I like it," Sam said. "Start whenever you're ready."

Her fingers danced along the strings, her brow knitted together as she focused on her instrument. Chris took this moment to take her in. Today, Alexa's hair was pulled back into a half ponytail on the back of her head, little pieces falling out of the elastic to frame her face. Her lips were bare and her eyes were dark. She had on a pair of deep red skinny jeans and a white ratty concert t-shirt. There was a pair of black high tops laced to her feet that had definitely seen better days.

"Forgive, sounds good," Alexa started, her eyes closed. "Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting. I'm through with doubt, there's nothing left for me to figure out. I've paid a price and I'll keep paying."

Watching his little sister was strange for Finn, she looked so angry, so lost. But, god, did she have a right to. Maybe this was a good thing, her coming back was one of the first good choices he had seen her make in a long time. Even if the choice wasn't exactly something she had made on her own.

"I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down, I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round," Alexa sang, her voice filling the room. It was like her super power or something. "It's too late to make it right, I probably wouldn't if I could cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should."

"I know you said can't you just get over it. It turned my whole world around and I kind of like it. I made my bed and I sleep like a baby with no regrets," Alexa belted out. "And I don't mind sayin' it's a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger. And how in the world can the words that I said send somebody so over the edge that they'd write me a letter sayin' that I better shut up and sing or my life will be over."

She was moving around the room now, totally in her own world.

"I'm not ready to make nice, I'm not ready to back down. I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round. It's too late to make it right, I probably wouldn't if I could 'cause I'm mad as hell can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should," she continued. There was no doubt that she would be in the club, not that it was much of a question to begin with. They needed her for one, but she was more talented than any of them.

"Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting," Alexa finished, smiling sheepishly at the loud applause that erupted through the room. This wasn't the same girl who had performed the night before at that hole in the wall. For the first time in a long time, she resembled the girl that she used to be, even if it was only for a second.

"That was amazing," Sam said.

"Thanks," she whispered, pulling her guitar over her head and placing it back in the case.

"Find a seat anywhere and we'll get to work," Sam smiled clasping his hands together. Alexa strut across the room, suddenly finding her pride and confidence. She sat down in a chair in the corner and crossed her legs with her arms over her chest.

"Alright," Sam said. "Our assignment for this week, as you know, is Rebels. Rebels from the music industry, songs about rebellion, or even songs that are banned in certain areas. The idea for this assignment is to push you out of your comfort zone, to push against what is standard and be rebels."

"That will be easy for some of us," a small freshman sitting behind Alexa muttered. Her and the girl sitting next to her giggled behind their hands. Alexa could practically feel their angry stares burning through the back of her head.

She didn't look at them, just stared straight ahead straightening her back. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Chris looking at her not so discreetly. Alexa didn't even bother to pretend she didn't see him.

The rest of the club had broken off into their own little groups, discussing what songs they would do so enthusiastically it made Alexa want to vomit. She was too busy being grateful for her solitude to notice that a senior boy had walked up and sat down next to her.

"You want to partner up?" He asked.

 _Shit._

"I don't really know how well we would work together," she started.

"Oh, don't worry, I think we'll work great together. Your range will mesh amazing with mine. Did you have a song in mind?"

This kid was genuinely freaking her out. He was far too peppy for Alexa's liking, but he didn't look like the kind of person that took 'no' for an answer. She assumed that he would just follow him around until she agreed to do the duet with him. So she relented.

"So there's this song, it's like almost thirty years old, but it's good. Have you ever heard of the artist P!nk?" Alexa asked.

"Nope," he replied, popping the 'p'.

"Okay, when you get home look up the song 'Sober'," Alexa ordered. "What's your name by the way?"

"Matthew," he replied. "And you're Alexandra, right?"

"Alexa, actually. No one calls me Alexandra."

"I have the auditorium reserved for today at five. We could go pick up something to eat and then rehearse," Matthew smiled. "We can even stop at the music store to pick up the sheet music."

"Works for me," Alexa smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be that bad. It might be nice to have a real friend, it had been awhile since she had one. This Matthew kid, though he was oddly happy, wasn't actually that bad either.


	3. Chapter 3

**I OWN NOTHING! NOT GLEE AND NOT SOBER BY P!NK.**

Alexa sat in the passenger seat of Matthew's 'hottie wagon' with a take-out bag from Breadstix in her lap. The two were rocking out to the song playing on the radio, Alexa chuckling at his horrible dance moves. "Those are terrifying," she chuckled.

"Not everyone is a Cheerio Legacy, my dear," Matthew replied shaking his head to the beat of the music.

"Now I understand why you don't dance at assemblies," Alexa teased. Matthew pulled into the parking lot and they both hopped out of the car and crossed the asfault. As they were walking into the building, Ally and Chris were pushing past them. Their fingers were intertwined and Alexa had to stifle the urge to gag when Chris kissed her way too slobbery on the lips.

"Oh gag me with a spoon," Matthew hissed, pulling his bag up on his shoulder. "They are like a walking safe sex PSA."

"What do you mean?" Alexa asked, looking over her shoulder at the happy couple. She wasn't sure how they could kiss and walk at the same time without face planting in the middle of the parking lot. She would have bet that they had lots of practice.

"Oh, that's right, no one out of the club heard about it," Matthew said, smiling at the fresh gossip about to bubble over his lips. He reminded her a little bit of her parents' friend Kurt, all brightly colored and overflowing with excitement for everything. "Last year, Ally got pregnant. She had an abortion before she told anyone. Tracey and her went to some free clinic and the only reason anyone found out was because Mallory found the pregnancy test when she was digging for sheet music in Ally's backpack. Chris was all broken up about it, but they stayed together."

"Holy shit," Alexa exclaimed. "Do their parents know? Aunt Rachel would have flipped her shit and Ally's dads would have probably enrolled her in boarding school."

"No, Mr. Evans was sworn to secrecy," Matthew said.

"She got an abortion without telling him?" Alexa asked. "That doesn't sound like her."

"She got scared," Matthew added. "At the time she was working on a movie project through an extension program from NYADA and she couldn't afford to lose the part, so she got rid of it."

"Oh," Alexa sighed. "I guess I missed a lot while I was gone."

"It's probably a good thing that they are breaking up when the twins move to New York, they are reaching an unhealthy level for high school," Matthew huffed, clucking his tongue.

The two walked to the choir room, talking about the juicy details of all that Alexa had missed. Well, more like Matthew talked and Alexa listened, gasping and reacting at the appropriate times. Had there always been this much drama in the club? She certainly didn't remember this much going down when she was still a member.

The two stepped into the auditorium and walked up the aisle to the stage. Alexa put the sheet music on the piano and put her guitar on the bench. "How many instruments do you play?" Matthew asked.

"Pretty much all of them," Alexa smiled. "I have a knack for music. My mom taught me piano, my dad taught me guitar, I learned how to play the flute in elementary school band and every other instrument was pretty easy to pick up from there. Do you play the piano?"

"I dabble," Matthew said, his fingers dancing up the keys.

"It's a pretty simple song on the piano," Alexa promised. "I'll teach you any chords you don't know."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are kind of a goddess?" Matthew asked. "You are like my spirit animal. You don't give a shit about what anyone thinks about you and you are, like, the most gifted person I have ever met."

"Thanks," Alexa chuckled. "That's one of the best and creepiest compliments that I have ever received."

Alexa sat down next to Matthew on the bench and showed him the keys without even having to look up at the music to know what note came next. It didn't really surprise Matthew that she already had the music memorized, another one of her superpowers he figured.

The next day, Matthew and Alexa sat in the front row watching their classmates file into the auditorium. Ally and Chris were the last to enter, finding a seat in the middle of the room strategically separating themselves from the rest of the group. Alexa didn't want to know what kept them so long after the bell rang, wouldn't let her mind wander that far.

She instead focused on the clothes that Matthew had picked for her to wear for the performance. Much to her dissatisfaction the red sun dress, denim jacket and leather riding boots matched the red jeans, denim shirt, red bow tie and leather dress shoes that Matthew was clad in. With the go ahead from Sam, she unbuckled the leather guitar case, removing the sparkling acoustic guitar. She draped the purple strap over her shoulder and followed Matthew up the stairs.

He sat down at the piano and she stood at the microphone. The audience silenced as she began strumming the strings.

"I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest or the girl who never wants to be alone," Alexa started, like always her eyes were closed and she looked like she was getting lost in the words.

"I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning, cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home," Matthew added. Alexa was proud of him, he had picked up the notes pretty quickly on the piano part. They would have to partner up more often.

"Ah the sun is blinding," the duo sang together. "I stayed up again. Oh, I am finding that's not the way I want my story to end."

"I'm safe," Alexa sang, her voice sliding over the high note with ease. "Up high, nothing can touch me."

"But why do I feel this party's over? No pain, inside," Matthew belted out.

"You're my protection. How do I feel this good sober?" Alexa practically shouted, her voice filling the entire room. "I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence, the quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth."

"Please don't tell me that we had that conversation," Matthew added. "I won't remember, save your breath, cause what's the use?"

"Ah, the night is calling," they sang together. Matthew glanced over his shoulder, watching Alexa. She was completely closed off from the world, not even paying attention to the audience. But at the same time, she dangerously vulnerable.

"And it whispers to me softly come and play," Matthew sang.

"Ah, I am falling and If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame," Alexa belted out, her whole body slamming out the notes on her guitar.

"I'm safe, up high nothing can touch me. But why do I feel this party's over," Matthew sang. "No pain inside. You're like perfection. How do I feel this good sober?"

"I'm coming down, coming down, coming down," Alexa half-shouted.

"Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round. Looking for myself, sober," Matthew countered.

"When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad," Alexa sang. Chris could have sworn that there were real tears streaming down her cheeks. Even with her eyes closed and her body hunched over, she looked so open up there. "Till you're trying to find the you that you once had. I have heard myself cry, never again. Broken down in agony just tryna find a friend."

It was now that Matthew realized that this song was more than just about the assignment, just like her audition song. Alexa would never talk about how she felt, never utter a word about whatever was brewing under her skin. But when she sang, she was shouting to the world. Every note and word that escaped her body was overflowing with emotion, exclaiming the truth with every breath.

"Will I ever feel this good sober?" Alexa and Matthew finished. "Tell me, no, no, no, no, no, pain. How do I feel this good sober?"

Alexa kind of just stood there, her eyes wide and her body closed in on itself as if singing had just drained her. And before any of them could blink, she was standing up straight again and her rock hard façade was repaired.

"That was amazing guys," Sam complimented. "Why did you two pick this?"

"P!nk was a rebel in the music industry during her time. She wrote songs about fighting against the expectations of her industry. She didn't really take crap from anyone and she didn't let people tell her what she was supposed to be."

"Good job," Sam said. "Thanks for sharing."

"What did you do at school today?" Quinn asked her daughter who was sitting at the table across from her, picking at the lasagna on her plate.

"Not much," Alexa said. "I sang with this kid in Glee Club."

"She was amazing," Finn exclaimed. "My baby sister is a star!"

"I like your dress, Lex," Noah commented, looking at his daughter. For the first time in a long time, he saw his baby girl at the dinner table. "It brings out your eyes."

"Thanks, Dad," she whispered, blushing into her glass of water. "Matthew picked it out, he thought it would be cool if our clothes matched for our duet."

"Is Matthew one of your friends from school?" Noah asked his son.

"He's one of Mallory's friends, but yeah, he's pretty cool," Finn replied through a mouthful of something that was beyond recognition at this point.

"So Jesse and Rachel are throwing a farewell party for Kurt and Blaine on Friday," Quinn said. "We are all invited."

"I ran into Jesse at the grocery store," Noah added. "He thinks he's gonna grill steaks on that porch grill that he has never used before."

Alexa smiled taking a bite of her food. Jesse, bless his heart, had always set out to do things he believed to be easy and usually failed or gave up. This whole grilling thing would either end in fire or him deciding it's too difficult. No matter what ended up happening, her father would step in and save the day.

Alexa hadn't really been looking forward to the barbeque. Not only was her mother forcing her to wear another sundress –the woman practically died when she saw her daughter in a dress that wasn't torn – but she was going to have to face her old friends. Most of all, it would be at Chris' house. He would have the home turf advantage, she was going to have to play hard ball.

She stared at herself in the mirror, despising the girl that was staring back at her. This was the girl that was vulnerable, this is the girl who got hurt and she couldn't be that girl. But she could pretend to be that girl for a night, put on a happy face and act like some monster hadn't stolen something so innocent from her.

This girl, the old Alexa, had on a dark blue dress that her mother had bought at the mall for her. It hugged all the right parts and concealed the bony parts of her body that were a side-effect of the anti-depressants and cigarettes. The jean jacket covered the scars that were a pre-cursor to the psychiatric drugs. Her hair lay in its natural waves, her bangs pulled out of her eyes with a sparkly clip. Her mother had allowed her to wear convers, under the condition that they were new and not cherry red. That's how she got a brand spanking new pair of gray converse. At least she had a little bit of real Alexa, the dark eyeliner and mascara were something good girl Alexa would have dared to put on.

"Honey," Noah called. "We need to leave now."

"I'm coming," she shouted, tucking her cell phone into the pocket of her jean jacket. She bounded down the stairs and slid past Finn, claiming the left side of the backseat. She watched her little town fly by as they drove to the household. It was on the other side of town, which was only ten minutes away, fifteen if you biked.

Alexa had made that journey several times as a child on her powder blue bike. That one with the white basket that was used to carry trinkets and more often than not, food in. The only difference was that now, she wasn't giddy about walking up the grand front walkway or hanging out in the screening room in the basement. She was dreading the mere idea of entering that house.


	4. Chapter 4

**I OWN NOTHING! NOT GLEE, NOT QUESADILLA BY WALK THE MOON, AND NOT RENAGADES BY XX AMBASSADORS.**

Artie opened the door, his daughter, Lillian sitting on his lap smiling up at Alexa with the big hazel eyes that matched her mothers. Other than that little hint of Kitty, the rest was all Artie down to the light brown hair and impressive sass. There was chocolate all over the little girl's mouth, evidence of Aunt Rachel's supposedly famous chocolate fountain covering her dainty fingers.

"Lexi," she exclaimed through a mouthful of chocolate covered something. Lily extended her chocolatey covered arms in the older girl's direction. Alexa grimaced, taking in the little girl lathered in chocolate and other sticky foods. Alexa picked up the girl, making her swear to hold her arms out and not touch anything –including herself –while they made a trip to the kitchen to get cleaned up.

"Munchkin, hasn't anyone ever told you that you're supposed to wait 'til after dinner to eat from the chocolate fountain," Alexa asked, rubbing a paper towel over the little fingers. She had given up on salvaging the pink butterfly t-shirt and little jean skirt, that would be a battle that her mother would have to fight later. She would have to settle with getting the chocolate off of her hands and face.

"Yeah, my mommy told me to wait 'til after Uncle Jesse accidentally lit the porch on fire to have chocolate, but Chrissy said I could have some," Lily said, stumbling a little bit over the words like any four year old would do.

"Oh, he did now?" Alexa asked, picking up the child off the counter and swinging her onto her hip. "Let's see how Uncle Jesse is doing with those steaks."

And as if on cue, she could hear Jesse's desperate pleas for a fire extinguisher. At which point, the back door flew open, Chris flying in and out faster than she could even blink. He paused long enough to press a kiss to Lillian's temple before once again disappearing out into the backyard to save the day.

Once everything was calmed down and the fire was extinguished, Alexa stepped onto the porch and saw her father with his sleeves rolled up standing at the grill. The backyard was all done up, lights hanging from the trees and music playing. Someone had just mowed the grass and the fresh scent still loomed in the air. There were members of the glee club –old and new –standing around tables with colorful drinks in their hands small talking and laughing.

Chris and Ally were sitting at a table, her legs strewn over his lap. They were laughing about something, Alexa got the sinking feeling that maybe it was her that was the center of their joke. Their gazes kept sweeping over to her and each glance was followed by a ceremonious fit of cackles. She swallowed the lump forming in her throat and pushed passed the happy couple, looking for someone to talk to.

"Is that Alexandra Puckerman," a familiar voice said. She could hear the singsong tone and smile in her Aunt Rachel's voice. When she turned to face the older woman, she was met with a giant bone crushing hug that was rather impressive for such a slight woman. "You look just like your mother did when we were in high school."

"Thanks," Alexa replied, not really sure how else she should have replied to the statement. Her mother was drop dead gorgeous, always had been and would always have that delicate beauty about her, until the day she died. But Alexa hated being reminded that she looked like her mother, hated being compared to other people in general. But her mother? Quinn Fabray had left gigantic shoes to fill and Alexa had set out to live in her legacy, but ended up on her butt.

"It's been so long since I have seen you," Rachel announced, crossing her arms over her chest. "That is just too bad. I always liked you much better than the kids that Christopher hangs out with now. Their all so fake, you're always you. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself in this town, speaking from experience."

Alexa could see Chris eying his mother and herself out of the corner of her eye. She could feel his stare burning holes in her skin. "It's been great catching up with you, Aunt Rachel," Alexa smiled, stepping away from the conversation before it got any more uncomfortable. She prayed at that moment that Matthew would show up.

She didn't have long to wish for a friend, Jesse stepped onto the stage that was permanently built along the back fence. She had spent many a summers putting on dance recitals and concerts with Chris and the twins for their families. At one point, her father had even dragged the piano from the St. James' basement onto the stage just so everyone could hear whatever Mozart melody she was working on. Alexa remembered the way the applause made her feel, even when such loud cheers were unwarranted.

"Sam has informed me that the New Directions are working on a piece for an assignment and I thought, what better place to show it than here?" Jesse had smiled.

 _What? No one had said anything about performing! This was not happening._

Sam gathered the group behind the stage and by the looks of it, Alexa was the only one dreading this. Rachel was backstage with them, fussing over outfits and microphones. She was appalled that they were all about to get up on the stage with costumes that didn't coordinate.

"Mom," Chris huffed. "This is a family barbeque, not Nationals. No one is going to care that my sneakers don't match the girls' dresses."

"Fine," Rachel sighed. "Break a leg everybody."

Before she disappeared into the party, she pressed a slobbery kiss on Chris' cheek which turned him all sorts of shades red. "Mom," he hissed, pissed off and embarrassed all at the same time. With the heel of his hand, he wiped the pink lipstick mark off of his skin and turned back to the show circle.

"You guys ready?" Sam asked. Alexa's unenthusiastic 'no' was masked by the overly excited yeahs of her teammates.

"Alexa are you good to take the lead," Sam asked, not even bothering to listen to her objections. She was taking the lead, great, one more reason for everyone to hate her.

She followed her teammates onto the stage, standing in the front like she was instructed. Alexa could feel all eyes on her and she didn't enjoy it. She didn't allow herself to focus on that very long. Chris took the spot next to her, glancing at her blankly. Sam, thank god, would stand on stage with them and play the guitar part. At least that was one less thing she would have to deal with.

The bass dropped and she turned around to see her father sitting at the drum set. It was the same drum set she had seen in pictures growing up, one she had learned to play on too. Though the set belonged to her family, the St. James kept it. Finn, the man her brother had been named for, died when they were all in college and his mother had allowed her father to decide what would become of some of the more important belongings of her son. The drums had gone to Rachel, who had been in some kind of twisted love affair with Finn. Though she had never met him, it was like he was still there looming over all of them.

Alexa had never really been all that religious, but she imagined that if there was really a heaven, Finn was up there watching all of them. Her father said that he would have loved her, that he was a good man. He was important enough to get a memorial tree and have the auditorium dedicated to him.

"Run away-ay with me lost souls in revelry. Running wild and running free, two kids, you and me," Chris sang, the heel of her red sneakers taping along to the beat.

"And I said hey. Hey, hey, hey," the whole choir sang together. "Living like we're renegades. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Living like we're renegades. Renegades, renegades."

"Long live the pioneers, rebels and mutineers," Alexa sang, glancing out at the crowd. These people watching her, they were like her family, but she felt like they expected something from her. She wasn't sure if she was meeting their standards. "Go forth and have no fear. Come close and lend an ear."

"And I said hey. Hey, hey, hey," the choir began again. "Living like we're renegades. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Living like we're renegades. Renegades, renegades."

If there wasn't a battle going on inside her stomach, Alexa might have found this night to be perfect. The setting was definitely out of this world. With the sun almost completely gone from the sky, the lanterns illuminating the faces of her family.

"So, all hail the underdogs," Tracey sang, her ever brief solo enough to draw a cocky smile onto her face. She was definitely Kurt's daughter.

"All hail the new kids," Ally added.

"All hail the outlaws," Finn sang. "Spielbergs and Kubricks."

"It's our time to make a move," Alexa sang, the deepness of her voice drawing over the lyrics.

"It's our time to make amends," Alexa and Chris sang. "It's our time to break the rules. Let's begin."  
"And I said hey. Hey, hey, hey," the choir sang. "Living like we're renegades."

"Hey, hey, hey," Alexa started to finish. "Hey, hey, hey. Living like we're renegades. Renegades, renegades."

As the music, sped up and glistened over the notes, the teenagers stood there in the way they had practiced. They didn't move, just stared at the audience, lined up and staggered. With their hard stares and their wide stances, they looked like a force to be reckoned with. When their little audience jumped up cheering for them, it was almost like old times.

"Encore," Jesse shouted over the cheers.

The teenagers formed a little huddle off to the side of the stage. "How many of you have heard of the song Quesadilla," Chris asked.

"You want to do a song for our parents about Mexican food?" Ally asked incredulously. "Do you know who our parents are?"

"No," Alexa said. "The song isn't about Mexican food. It's about passion and lust and the way it feels."

"Why is it called Quesadilla?" Tracey asked.

"Why do you ask stupid questions," Alexa asked, her usual sass dripping into her tone. Even Chris got a chuckle out of that one.

"So," Ally huffed. "It's decided. Tortilla?"

"Quesadilla," Finn corrected. He looked just as irritated as Alexa and Chris were. What were they doing in the New Directions if they didn't know what good music was?

"So how are we going to do this?" Alexa asked.

"Chris and Alexa take the lead," Sam instructed. He promptly ignored Natasha's dissatisfied 'what a shocker' and continued giving directions. "Everyone else follow them."

"I'm a senior, shouldn't I be taking the lead?" Natasha protested.

"Do you know that words to the song?" Chris asked.

"No, but," she started. She didn't get a chance to finish before Mr. Evans cut her off.

"Then, Alexa will remain in the lead. Understood?"

Chris took half the group to the opposite side of the stage, the other half staying behind with Alexa. From across the stage, he smiled at her and Alexa was sure that she must have been losing her mind. 'Good luck' he mouthed, eliminating any doubt she had about the smile. The track began to play. Of course Alexa had the instrumental version on her phone.

"I must've tumbled out of the plane cause I free-fell all year," Chris started stepping onto the stage. "My chute is blooming out like spring."

"And I'm nowhere now, but here," they sang together. Alexa didn't have the space in her brain to question why Chris wasn't ignoring her or glaring at her like he had over the last few weeks. She was focused on this performance, as if this was her chance to prove that she actually belonged her.

"But I've seen your long hair come down," Alexa added. Chris and her were standing in the middle of the stage, circling each other.

"It turned my head inside out," Finn sang, once again surprising Alexa.

"And I want you, I want you," Alexa and Chris belted out together. "I still do."

As the beat picked up they ran away from each other and down the steps on the stage. The two danced around in the crowd, laughing. For the first time in a long time, Alexa was smiling. Not that fake, sarcastic smirk, but that big old grin.

"Your wrists were bound in my hands," Alexa and Chris sang together, looking across the yard at each other smiling. They moved almost entirely in sync, their movements and chemistry fluid. "Water wash around our naked feet."

"Your blue jeans over in the sand," Alexa sang, climbing up on top with a little bit of help from her father. Chris did the same and it was like they were cut from the same cloth, combined into one body.

"And we were wrestling in our picnic blanket sheets," Chris smiled, over at her. He jumped off the table, setting off to run back up to the stage. Alexa, always one to outdo him, executed a perfect aerial off the table. She made a running landing and met Chris in the middle of the stage.

"But I've seen your long hair come down," Alexa sang, her eyes pasting on the boy standing only a few steps away from her. Just like old times, his voice harmonized with hers. "Turned my head inside out."

"And I want you," Chris sang.

"I want you," they sang together. "I still do."

"I still do," the choir backed up. Though they didn't show it, they weren't exactly thrilled to be the back-up for the dynamic duo again. Yeah, they knew they needed Alexa and she was more deserving of that spotlight than anyone else was. That didn't mean they had to like it.

"Yeah, I want you, I want you," Finn sang.  
"I still do want you, I still want you," Alexa and Chris belted out.

"I still do," she started, her voice softening a little bit.  
"I've seen your long hair come down," Chris sang.  
"And turned my head inside out," Alexa added.  
"But I've seen your long hair come down," they finished together. "Turned my head inside out."

As the music drew to an end, they stood there with Alexa staring up at him. It felt like, to him anyway, that her big emerald eyes were peering into him. She looked so small next to him, so broken too. Peeking out from beneath the sleeves of her jacket, he could see the thick, jagged scars. Just another reminder that he hadn't been there when she needed him most. Chris couldn't bear to look at her like that, it made him feel like someone had stuck their hand inside his chest and was trying to tear his heart out of his ribcage.


	5. Chapter 5

**I OWN NOTHING! I DON'T OWN POMPEII BY BASTILLE. I DON'T OWN FAME BY MREE! I DO SUGGEST YOU LISTEN TO BOTH SONGS BECAUSE THEY ARE FABULOUS!**

"What the hell was that?" Ally hissed. It didn't take long for her to step in, she practically jumped in front of him the second he stepped off the stage. There was white hot rage burning in her eyes and he could honestly say that jealously wasn't cute on her. He knew that she was beyond pissed about the whole duet with Alexa thing and rightfully so, but he wasn't about to give her that satisfaction.

"What are you talking about?" Chris asked, well aware that he was most likely making this situation worse.

"You sang with _her,_ " Ally said, as if the mere mention of Alexa was toxic.

"Alexa was your best friend for like ninety-nine percent of your life," Chris pointed out.

"So what?" Ally was practically shouting now. "She betrayed us. She left us when we needed her most."

"Yeah, well we did the same to her," Chris yelled back. "And she's back now."

"What do you mean we did the same to her?" Ally demanded. "Are you talking about her suicide attempt last year? She pushed us away, Chris! There was nothing we could have done. She made a choice. And here she is again, ready to swoop in and steal you."

"Do you hear how crazy you sound right not? Alexa hates me, Ally. The only reason she's back is because we blackmailed her, remember? She wants nothing to do with any of us, especially not me."

"Shit," Ally sighed. "You're right. I just- I don't know. You guys have such strong chemistry, it gets a little scary. I'm sorry, babe."

"It's okay," he smiled, pulling her body into his arms.

They re-entered the party, hand in hand. Alexa was sitting at a table with Finn and Landry, the youngest protégé. The three were picking over food, smiling and talking amongst themselves. Chris' younger sister had always looked up to Alexa, getting her ears pierced and begging her parents for a belly button ring after the older girl had started her grunge phase. She had even spent six months' worth of allowance on a pair of boots just to throw them around in the mud so they looked just like Lexi's.

Lily bounded over to the group, climbing into Alexa's lap wanting so desperately to participate in the big kids' conversation. But the conversation ceased, Alexa opting to help the small child color in the Winnie the Pooh coloring book that she had been toting around the party in search for someone to color with.

"What color should Piglet's tummy be?" Alexa asked. "Yellow?"

"He's pink, silly," Lily giggled, handing her the respective crayon.

"So," Landry started. "You and that kid Darren are like a thing, right?"

"What?" Alexa exclaimed, choking on her iced tea. "No, we are just friends."

"Friends with a something, something," Finn muttered, taking a bite of burned steak. He put his fork down and decided against attempting to eat the inedible hunk of what used to be meat. Alexa reached over and smacked him, blushing a little bit.

"Hey," Alexa hissed.

"What?" Finn asked. "I saw him climbing down the terrace the other night. That dude really needs to work on his stealth skills."

"We were working on a new song for the band," Alexa said, rather unconvincingly.

"Ohhhh," Landry teased. "Don't tell my brother, he'll probably kill the kid."

"Lexi's gotta boyfriend," Lily giggled like it was a mantra, repeating it over and over again.

Alexa and Darren were in no way in a relationship, not really. Sometimes they got a little carried away when they were working on new music for the band. But it was far too casual to mean anything. In fact, more often than not, it was accidental. And other than the occasional hook up, they didn't even like each other all that much.

Alexa thought he was a dense, condescending pervert that lost the majority of his brain cells from smoking pot. But man, was he hot. Alexa knew that she wasn't the only girl that he had sex with. Between the whole rocker look mixed with his music, he was irresistible. And of course, he was something she would never talk about. He was her dirty little secret, which was ironically the first song that they played publically.

She was pulled out of her thoughts to the familiar sound of the older New Directions. They were up on the stage, lined up facing the audience. The voices lined up perfectly, revealing a strong bond that had taken years to form.

"I was left to my own devices," Rachel started.  
"Many days fell away with nothing to show," Sam sang.

"And the walls kept tumbling down," Mr. Shue added, walking across the stage and falling into formation with his former students. "In the city that we love."

"Great clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above," Kitty and Artie sang together smiling at each other.

"But if you close your eyes," Blaine and Kurt sang, walking to the front of the stage, hand in hand.

"Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" They all sang. It was amazing to watch really, all these people that had been so important to each other, so crucial to who each individual became that to this day, they could still do that. Even though they had all long since surpassed all that Lima could offer them, they would always come back here and they would always be together. "And if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?  
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"

"We were caught up and lost in all of our vices," Quinn sang. Alexa watched her mother carefully, examining the grace and beauty that her mother just radiated. Ever since she was young she had dreamed of someday becoming like her mother. She had wanted to skip the teen pregnancy and the rebel phase, but only managed to surpass one. Maybe, Alexa was beginning to realize, that both of those instances molded her mother into what she became. None of it would have been possible without the assistance of her father, Alexa was sure of that. Had it not been for Beth and her mother's heart break, Alexa doubted that her parents would have ever ended up together.

"In your pose as the dust settled around us," Puck sang. Just like it was when she watched her mother, Alexa though about the events that had turned her father into the man he was. She had heard stories from her aunts and uncles about his adventures while he was in high school. How he had become this man that he was now far surpassed Alexa's knowledge. Maybe he was just a product of his circumstances.

"And the walls kept tumbling down," Santana added. "In the city that we love."

"Great clouds roll over the hills," Jesse sang. "Bringing darkness from above."

"But if you close your eyes," Blaine belted out.

"Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" The group sang together. They were moving in unison, their bodies like parts of an ancient machine sliding into place. "And if you close your eyes does it almost feel like you've been here before?"

"How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?" Mercedes sang, her voice rolling over the notes.

"Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?" Rachel and Kurt added.

"Oh-oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?" Mercedes, Tina and Artie joined in. Alexa had heard horror stories about slushies and bullying when the Glee club first began. It was hard to believe that they had come so far. Glee kids were the cool kids, The New Directions like an elite club that only the best of the best could be a part of. She almost wished she could have experienced those days, when having the star athlete in the club was a scandal and the vocal powerhouse of the town was an outcast.

"And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we love," they sang. "Great clouds roll over the hills bringing darkness from above. But if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes does it almost feel like you've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"

"If you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?" Kurt and Blaine finished.

The voices of the choir, once again fell in line, folding and morphing into something beautiful. Watching this, Alexa felt a sort of envy. She wanted this, wanted a family like this. But mostly, she just wanted to belong like they did.

Looking around, she saw the members of her own choir and never had she ever felt so utterly alone. They didn't know her, didn't see her as anything more than her voice. Her teammates were all caught up in their own worlds, sitting in small groups separated from each other. At this rate, they would never have what their parents had. How sad was that?

"Gather around children," Sam said, sitting in a chair backward in front of his students. "We must discuss our assignment for this week."

"I have had an epany," Sam stated.

"Do you mean an epiphany?" Alexa asked. Today, she was in a pair of cherry red short shorts, flowery lace tights, black high tops and a white tank top that was transparent enough to see the lace of her black bra. She had on dark, startling make up paired with red lipstick and leather bracelets.

"Thank you, Miss Puckerman," Sam smiled. "Anyway, this era of New Directions doesn't get along very well. Of course, we had our differences when I was in high school, but we were a family. You guys are divided. If you want to win at Regionals that needs to change. So, I have assigned you partners and I expect you to perform the song that you draw out of the hat on the class period I tell you to. Tracey and Ally are not going to be participating in the assignment. Girls, take it away."

Ally insisted that the entire club move to the auditorium. Groaning and whining the team obliged, trudging the whole way there. When they slumped into their seats and muttered about how ridiculous this was, Ally snapped at them to shut up. Tracey and Ally stood in the middle of the stage, dressed in their matching dresses. Just the sight of their too bright clothes made Alexa want to vomit all over them.

The music began and Ally hummed quietly. Alexa, though they had once been best friends, couldn't stand the twins. They could sing, no doubt about it, but she wasn't the only one who had changed. So yeah, her new identity was more tangible, but it seemed to her that they had allowed their temporary leadership roles to inflate their heads.

"Baby, look at me and tell me what you see," Ally started, her hands clasped in front of her. Her strawberry-blonde hair rested on her shoulders in delicate curls, a style Alexa knew had taken her hours to perfect.

"You ain't seen the best of me yet, give me time I'll make you forget the rest," Tracey added. Though they were identical twins, Tracey didn't like to dwell on that fact. She distinguished herself by cutting her hair a little shorter than her sister's, opting to straighten it instead of curl it.

"I got more in me and you can set it free," they sang together. "I can catch the moon in my hands. Don't you know who I am?"

"Remember my name," Ally sang.

"I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly high," Tracey added, her eyes brushing closed and swishing open.

"I feel it coming together. People will see me and cry," Ally sang.

"I'm gonna make it to heaven light up the sky like a flame," they belted out together. "Fame. I'm gonna live forever. Baby, remember my name."

"Baby, hold me tight 'cause you can make it right," Ally added. Alexa was struck with how perfect this song was for the twins. God, she despised them, but she never dared question whether or not they would be famous. The status of their dads practically ensured that and they were too perfect to do anything but live their lives in the lime light. "You can shoot me straight to the top. Give me love and take all I've got to give."

"Baby, I'll be tough," Tracey sang. "Too much is not enough. I can ride your heart till it breaks. Ooh, I got what it takes."

"Fame. I'm gonna live forever," Ally belted out. "I'm gonna learn how to fly high. I feel it coming together. People will see me and cry. Fame."

"I'm gonna make it to heaven," they finished, their voices lacing together in perfect unison. "Light up the sky like a flame. Fame. I'm gonna live forever. Baby, remember my name."

Applause erupted through the auditorium and even Alexa couldn't help but cheer. They deserved it. She watched from the outside as goodbyes were told and tears were shed. She nodded in their direction before the twins left the auditorium, more likely than not, for the last time.


	6. Chapter 6

**I OWN NOTHING! I DON'T OWN GLEE!**

"You have got to be kidding me," Alexa grumbled. Chris. Of course Sam would pair her with Chris. What else should she have expected? They were the two leaders of the choir and they weren't exactly on the best of terms. If she thought about it, she had to admit that Sam was actually kind of a genius. Solving the little feud going on between the two would resolve a lot of the problems that were brewing in their club. But getting them to make up would take a freaking miracle, not just a duet.

And to top it all off, she had to sing a freaking ballad with him. She could blame it on him, the fact that they were singing the song they were, but he pulled it out of a hat. Even she knew that he had no control over that. However, that didn't require her to enjoy it.

"No," Sam said, not an ounce of joking in his tone. "You two need to be able to work together. At the party the other night, you should me that there is still hope for you. Don't let it slip away."

Alexa rolled her eyes, but didn't argue anymore. What was the point? She was going to have to sing with him eventually. She glanced over at Chris, he was staring at her so indiscreetly that it made her skin crawl. Huffing, she walked up to him, not daring to actually look him in the eyes.

"How do you want to go about doing this?" She asked.

"My house?" He offered, not a hint of any sort of feeling in his voice. "After school? I can give you a ride."

"I have to go home and get my guitar, I'll just have Finn drop me off," she replied turning to walk away from him. She stopped and turned back to face him. "I can only work until five. I have a gig tonight at a college bar."

"Alexa," Chris huffed. "We go tomorrow."

"Chris," Alexa mimicked. "This is a paying gig. I'm not worried about working out the duet, we may not get along, but we sure as hell work well musically. I think we'll do fine."

Chris didn't look amused.

"Fine, if it makes you feel better, we can work after I get done. Our slot ends at eight. I'll come back with something to eat, pick you up and we keep working?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer, just set off running toward her locker. Calling out for her brother to wait up. Chris watched her disappear around the corner, unable to pull her out of his mind. There was so much more to her than what met the eye, he just couldn't quite figure out what it was. Maybe her mystery was something she had cultivated. After all, she seemed to just bask in all the questions that surrounded her. But more likely than not, he realized, she was probably just as much as a mystery to herself as she was to the rest of them.

Chris was pulled out of her head by Ally wrapping her arms around his mid-section and pressing a kiss to his neck. He could feel her smile sadly against his skin and awaited whatever remark was about to slide across her overly-glossed lips.

"It's too bad," Ally said. "Alexa could have really been something, but she's wasting all that potential on some rocker chick bullshit."

No, Chris thought, she was going to be something. She was going to leave all of them behind and never look back. He had never been one to believe in fate and destiny, but if he had, he would have believed that Alexa was destined for things far bigger than anything this god forsaken town could offer her.

"Yeah," was all he said. What good would it do to tell Ally that he thought that? She would probably, being as neurotic as she is, have accused him of sleeping with Alexa. God knows that would have made the remainder of this week miserable.

Alexa pulled her brother's truck onto the street, feeling a certain amount of nervousness boiling in the depths of her stomach. She hopped out, swinging her guitar case onto her back and locked the car. As she ran up the driveway, she tucked the keys into her pocket and mentally prepared herself for whatever waited for her behind that door.

She raised her hand to knock, but before her knuckles could make contact with the giant door, it swung open to reveal Landry standing there in a cute blue sweater and black skirt. Alexa could only assume that there was an adorable pair of shoes that matched the outfit perfectly, but now all she saw was the mix-matched socks. Landry tackled her in a bone-crushing hug, screeching a high pitched squeal into the older girl's ear.

Once she was freed from the clasp of the overly-excited teenager, Alexa stepped across the threshold for the second time in that last few days. Far more times than she had over the last year. The house was irritatingly organized, everything labeled and in its rightful spot. Even the shoe cubby by the door housed every pair of sneakers and sandals in some kind of order that Rachel had designed herself. She felt like she was breaking this unspoken rule by kicking her high tops off and leaving them by the door.

"Are you and Chris hanging out?" Landry asked. "I didn't know you guys were friends again."

"No," Alexa said, feeling a little bit awkward. "We aren't hanging out, Sam assigned us a partner project. We're presenting our song tomorrow and we need to work on it."

"Oh," Landry said. Alexa could have been losing her mind, but she was almost certain that there was an air of disappointment carried in that simple little word. But, the downcast look in her eyes quickly passed and was replaced with the usual sunshine. "I have a date on Friday, can you help me pick out an outfit? I have a few that I like, but I can't decide."

"Sure," Alexa said, but it was a little bit redundant. Landry was already pulling –correction dragging –her up the stairs at a pace that Alexa was struggling to keep up with. They rounded the corner, the floor boards creaking underneath their feet. Landry pushed the door to her bedroom open, only then letting go of Alexa's hand.

What had once been Easter egg yellow walls was now a sea blue matched with a steely gray. The previous hints to the Wizard of Oz –Landry's favorite movie, even when she was young –had been removed and it their places, a more modern room remained. The bright colors had been replaced with black and white pictures and neutral colored blankets. Alexa couldn't believe that Landry no longer hung boy band posters on her walls, but they had all been replaced by blown up pictures of her and her friends that had been framed. It appeared that Landry had done a little bit of changing herself over the last year too.

"I like what you've done with the place," Alexa smiled. "I always did like the Ruby Slippers, though."

"I decided I was getting a little bit too old for Dorothy and the Yellow Brick Road, you know?" Landry said, adjusting a jacket that was on her bed. Alexa nodded, glancing over the outfits that Landry had set out.

"I know how you feel," she muttered. Alexa smiled up at Landry, the subject of their conversation forgotten as she held up a floral dress and a jean jacket. "This is the one."

"Thanks, Lex," Landry said. "God, life would be so much easier if Chris was a girl."

Alexa chuckled as she said goodbye to Landry. She walked back into the hallway and ran down the stair, taking in the familiarity of the house. The big sofa in the living room that she had passed out on many a movie nights, the ever present scent of cinnamon and fresh baked cookies, the big windows that overlooked the expansive backyard that had been the host of many water fights and pool parties. It was all just a reminder of what kind of life she had lived, the one she still would have been living had it not been for that night. It was hard to imagine what her life would have been like had she not gone out that night, had she asked someone to go with her.

She hadn't realized that she was already in the basement, standing outside the closed door of Chris' room. Alexa didn't know if she should knock or just walk in. After standing outside the door, racking her brain for a minute, she opted to knock. She could hear stirring on the other side of the door, but Chris didn't move to open the door.

Rolling her eyes, she pushed the door open, an act she would come to regret. At the same, Chris walked out of the bathroom, very naked. "Holy shit," she exclaimed clamping a hand over her eyes.

"Lex," Chris said, blushing while he looked around for a towel. She was giggling behind her hands. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"

"I did, twice," Alexa said, her hands still covering her eyes. The gentle giggles had turned into violent cackling that was hardly muffled by her fingers. "Chris, you knew I was coming over, why were you walking around naked?"

"I just got out of the shower and I was looking for my jeans," Chris sputtered, struggling to pull on his jeans. He stumbled and fell forward. Chris caught himself and slid the belt into his jeans.

"Is it safe?" Alexa asked, not daring to peak in between her fingers.

"Yeah," Chris smiled, it's safe. He pulled a McKinley soccer t-shirt on over his head. "Do you think this is funny?"

It was then that she realized that she was still laughing like a mad woman. "I'm sorry. Not funny," she said trying to keep a straight face. She gave up with a snort and bent over laughing again, clutching her stomach. It took her a minute to recover, but once she regained composure she righted herself and sighed trying to catch her breath.

In all honesty, Chris didn't want her to stop laughing. Listening to her chuckle and giggle was something he loved to do. She had always hated her laugh, thought it was too loud and childish. That was one of his favorite details of her. When she laughed, it was a whole body endeavor. Alexa had never really outgrown the delicate laugh that she had when she was little like most people did. It was good to know that her laughter hadn't changed when the rest of her had pretty much disappeared.

"Not funny," she added, clearing her throat and swiping a tear off her cheek. "Are you ready to get to work?"

"Sure thing," he said, plopping down on the couch.

Alexa sat down in one of the chairs and pulled out her guitar. It only took a moment for her to tune her instrument, not that he really minded. Chris loved watching her work the strings of her guitar. Like everything else she did, she did it so gracefully, with delicate fingers and her complete focus. She concentrated on the notes so deeply and with so much passion that she would scrunch up her brow, giving her complete attention to the music. He watched as, once again, the instrument became a part of her, morphing into another limb. It was beautiful, far more beautiful than she would ever understand. She had never believed him when he had attempted to explain it to her over the years, always told him that he was stupid. God, she had no idea and it broke his heart.

"I got the music," she said, pulling out the crisp white paper from the pocket in the guitar case. She handed him a copy, barely even looking up at him.

Over the next couple of hours, they did what they did best; make music.

"Sweetie, you know my rule, when Ally is over the door stays open," Rachel said, knocking on the door. She pushed it open, ready to scold her son only to be caught off guard by what she saw. Her son was not wrapped up in a hot make out session with his girlfriend. However, he was oblivious to the presence of his mother. She was surprised to find Alexa and Chris with their backs to her singing.

They stopped, laughing at the error Chris had made in the lyrics. Rachel smiled, pulling the door closed and disappearing upstairs undetected. Alexa glanced at her watch, and stood up quickly. "I have to go," Alexa said. "It's almost five."

"Oh, right," Chris said, trying to hide his disappointment.

"I'll be back in a few hours," Alexa said putting her case on her back. "I'll pick up something on my way back. I think there's an On the Border a few miles away from the bar, I'll bring back some Sopapillas."

"You think I could come with you?" Chris asked. "Hear the Lima Losers play some more before they get signed to some big label in LA."

Alexa smiled. "Sure, but I'm driving."

"Oh, lord," Chris teased. "You driving?"

"What?" Alexa said punching him playfully on the arm. "Don't worry, I'm a better driver than I was when I was fifteen."

"That's not saying much," Chris muttered, leading the way up the stairs.

"Hey!" Alexa exclaimed. "That's harsh."

"It's the truth," he chuckled.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "At least I didn't back into the basketball pole."

"I was fourteen," Chris defended. "It was like the first time I had ever driven before."

"Oh, hi, Alexa," Jesse smiled. He was standing in the kitchen, a big knife in his hand chopping vegetables. "How are you?"

"I'm good, you?" She asked.

"Same old same old," he replied.

"Dad, you know you aren't supposed to cook?" Chris said. "We just redid the kitchen after your last 'fire drill'."

"I'm not," Jesse said. "I'm chopping vegetables for your mother. Alexa, are you staying for dinner?"

"No," she smiled. "I have a gig tonight."

"Landry told me that you have a band," Jesse said. "You guys are apparently quite the performers."

"Bye, dad," Chris cut in, ushering Alexa out the door.

"It was great talking to you, Uncle Jesse," she called before the door slammed shut.


	7. Chapter 7

**I OWN NOTHING! I DON'T OWN GLEE! I DON'T OWN HAUNTED, TAYLOR SWIFT AND BIG MACHINE RECORDS OWN THAT! PLUS, I CAN'T SING SO OWNING THAT SONG WOULD DO THE WORLD NO GOOD WHATSOEVER. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE QUALITY OF THIS CHAPTER. IT IS DISSAPPOINTINGLY SUBPAR AND ONCE AGAIN, I AM HORRIBLY SORRY. HOWEVER, I FEEL THAT THIS CHAPTER WILL BE A MAJOR TURNING POINT AND IS, THEREFORE, NECESSARY.**

"Sit here with this guy," Alexa instructed, pointing to a scruffy man sitting at a table accompanied only by a beer and a plate of nachos. "He looks friendly…sort of."

The man didn't look friendly, but very nerdy which probably mean he was one of those stuck up hipsters that treasured alone time so he could ponder the abstractness of craft beer and Picasso paintings. Chris sat down across from him anyway, not even looking at the stranger. Sitting with him wasn't ideal, but he looked like the lesser of the evils.

"Alexa," Chris called. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go change," Alexa smiled, over her shoulder. "I can't go up there looking like this."

He thought she looked fine, but he understood why she had changed when she walked onto the stage with the rest of her band. Instead of the jeans and tank top she had been wearing only minutes before, she had on a short red dress that hugged her body tightly, a denim vest and boots that reached up to her knees. Her hair was curled and pinned up in this sexy way that made her look a little messy and her makeup was even darker than it was before, if that was even possible.

Her blue chrome electric was on her back and when she stepped in front of the microphone, she moved it to the front in one fluid motion. She faced the audience with a seductive little smile playing on her lips. "How y'all doin' tonight?" She asked, earning herself wild, drunken cheers from the large amounts of men that were crowded around to watch her.

She turned away from the audience for a minute, saying something to her band. The drummer chuckled and began pounding his sticks together. As always, the Lima Losers sounded terrifyingly perfect. Alexa was already lost in the music, her body absorbing every note. But watching her up there was different than watching her in the auditorium. Here, she wasn't open. No emotion showed except a sort of bittersweet joy. Alexa didn't allow herself to forget that she was standing on a stage like she commonly did in Glee club.

Chris hated that. Alexa was obviously stealing the show, she always did no matter how or what she sang. But this was different. There was no sign of the old Alexa anywhere on that stage. As the music continues, she steps closer to the mic and grabs a hold of it as the words formed on her tongue.

"You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time," Alexa started, her voice husky and rasping. "But I never thought I'd live to see it break."

"It's getting dark and it's all too quiet and I can't trust anything now," she continued, her hands finding their way back to her guitar. "And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake."

"Oh, I'm holding my breath," Alexa sang. It was strange, but Chris felt like she was staring at him. Maybe even singing to him. Which was odd because she had hardly even looked in his direction since they had gotten there. "Won't lose you again. Something's made your eyes go cold. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out. Can't breathe whenever you're gone. Can't turn back now, I'm haunted."

"Stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had, but I still mean every word I said to you," Darren added, looking over at Alexa. The look that he gave her made Chris' skin crawl. He looked so confident that he was gonna get some later. Landry had told him that Alexa and Darren had been hooking up, but he didn't want to believe it.

"He will try to take away my pain and he just might make me smile," Alexa started again. This time she really was looking at him. "But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead."

"Oh, I'm holding my breath, won't see you again. Something keeps me holding on to nothing," Alexa belted out, her body moving furiously around with the guitar. And the audience was just eating it up, eating her up. The drunk college boys that had previously been sitting in the tables closest to the stage were now standing as close as they could to her, all reaching for her like she was the last slice of pizza or something. Even the hipster kid had taken a break from pondering to watch her. Who could blame him? She was amazing. "Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted. Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out. Can't breathe whenever you're gone, can't turn back now, I'm haunted."

"I know." Her voice slid over the long note with expert ease. "I know, I just know, you're not gone. You can't be gone. No."

She was practically screaming now and it was then that he realized that she really was singing to him. He wasn't just being self-centered. Chris had left her and the stings that had once tethered them together had snapped. It was hard without her in his life, he had to admit, but he hadn't been the one to completely lose their mind. It was Alexa who had gone off the deep end. It was Alexa who was different. He hadn't changed at all, had he?

"Come on, come on, don't leave me like this, I thought I had you figured out. Something's gone terribly wrong, won't finish what you started," Alexa belted out. "Come on, come on, don't leave me like this. I thought I had you figured out. Can't breathe whenever you're gone, can't go back, I'm haunted. Oh."

"You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time," she finished, her words filling the bar in a way that demanded attention. "Never ever thought I'd see it break. Never thought I'd see it..."

Before the applause even got a chance to start, the Lima Losers were already moving onto the next song. Chris lost track of time watching Alexa play up on that stage. Before he even knew it, the band was finishing out for the night with an original song. Alexa thanked the audience for being so great, to which many drunk men replied with a 'you're hot' or Chris' favorite 'come back to my dorm room with me and I'll show you a great audience'. She ignored the propositions and smiled at the compliment he was sure she was more than used to at this point.

She disappeared for a minute, presumably loading up the band's gear into Darren's van. He saw her again, walking toward him with a show-high smile spread on her still cherry red lips. There was a guitar case in her hand and her hair was pulled off of her neck entirely now, only a few loose strands falling in front of her wide emerald eyes. He knew that look, she always got that look after she performed. Her parents called it her performance high look. Like every other high, whether superficial or from drugs, she would eventually crash and have a strange hankering for some fried food and coffee.

So instead of taking her back to his house to work on their assignment for tomorrow –who were they kidding? They were gonna rock the socks off of Sam –they went to an old, rundown truck stop just down the highway. Chris had never been here before, but Alexa knew the man working behind the counter by name.

"Hey, Allen," she greeted.

"Alexandra," he smiled, coming to the booth in the corner that Alexa had chosen. It had a good vantage point of the whole restaurant, ideal conditions for people watching. Not that there were many people to watch though. The diner was empty except for a man munching on a piece of pie at the counter and the exhausted waitress counting change at a booth by the door. Allen poured dark, steaming coffee into the two ceramic mugs on the table. "How did the show go?"

"Good," Alexa said, smiling up at the old man. "A lot of drunk frat boys though. But what you gonna do? I can't be picky about gigs yet."

"Someday, sugar cake," Allen replied. "And who's this kid? Is this a new boyfriend? He looks a lot more decent than that Darrel kid you used to bring in here."

"Allen," Alexa blushed. "It was Darren and he and I weren't dating. This is Chris and no, he isn't my boyfriend. He's a friend from glee club."

"Nice to meet you, sir," Chris said, extending his hand.

"Is this the ass-hat that didn't speak to you for a year and then blackmailed you into joining?" Allen asked, ignoring Chris and his polite gesture altogether.

"We'll have two deluxe burgers with onion rings and fries," Alexa ordered, letting the question hang in the air.

"Comin' right up, dearie," Allen smiled.

"Do you come here a lot?" Chris asked.

"I like to come here after shows," Alexa replied, fiddling with her jacket. "It's usually pretty dead in here, the people are nice and the pie is good."

"You've brought Darren here before," he asked, trying really hard not to sound jealous.

"I've brought the whole band in here once, Darren was just hanging on me the night," Alexa said, sipping her coffee. "The only reason Allen thinks we are a thing is 'cause he was being all possessive and shit, which usually means he wants sex."

"Oh," Chris muttered.

"I'm kidding," Alexa chuckled. "We don't have sex. Okay, maybe once, but we were both drunk and I'm not too clear on the details."

Chris was thankful for Allen in that moment, even if the bastard hated him, for bringing them their food. And much to his surprise, the mountains of fried food and lard actually looked appetizing. But god, did it taste better than it looked. He watched in awe as Alexa wolfed down handful after handful of fries chased with large bites of burger and gulps of still steaming hot coffee. Chris had managed to forget how large her appetite was.

"I do have to admit," he said through a mouthful of onion ring. "This is pretty damn good. How do you always find these places?"

"I have a knack for things like that," Alexa smiled. "I find all the places with personality, it's, like, my superpower of something."

They finished eating in silence, neither leaving a crumb of food on their plates. Allen returned to fill up their mugs and take their dishes. Alexa ordered the blueberry pie and strawberry rhubarb to split. The pie here is like heaven, Alexa claimed. While they were waiting for their dessert, she excused herself to the bathroom and returned minutes later with all the makeup wiped from her face and the clothes she had on before the show covering her body. Her eyes were softer and her expression less harsh without all the angular lines to draw out her piercing features.

The pie came pretty quickly after that, and he did have to admit if heaven had a flavor, that was certainly how it would taste. He would never say it out loud, but it even rivaled his Grandma Carol's pie. "This is good freaking pie," he said, chunks of blueberry in his mouth.

After they fought over the bill for a minute –Alexa refused to let him pay the whole check –and Chris paid, Alexa leaving the tip, they climbed into the truck. They drove around for a little bit, Chris suggested they go to the park and although Alexa was less than thrilled, she agreed. That was strange, she used to love the park.

They walked around for a while in silence, one occasionally saying something or asking a question. But it was Chris who started the conversation that would change everything.

"You never told me what happened to you," Chris said. "Why you missed all that school, why you changed, why you…"

He couldn't finish the sentence.

"Why I tried to kill myself?" She asked, her voice and face devoid of all emotion. Chris nodded and a sickly sweet smirk spread on her lips, as if she was about to deliver some juicy gossip. "The same reason that I don't like to come to this park anymore."

Her hands were deep in her pockets and she looked kind of distant as if whatever it was that happened was too painful to remember. "About a year and a half ago," she started. "I was walking home from the twins' party, that one where we all had beer for the first time. I decided to walk through the park. You know, take the scenic route and shit. Anyway, I was walking by myself and some guy attacked me. He –uh- he beat me up pretty bad and raped me. The whole time I was screaming, but no one found me until the next morning. Some old man who was walking his dog, I think. I spent a week in the hospital and another week at home, too scared to go back out in public. It took me awhile but I came to terms with the attack."

"Lex," Chris said. "Why didn't you come to us? We would have all been there for you."

"I was too embarrassed, I had been careless and got attacked. And I was on my way to crazy town at that point."

"Is that why you went all dark?" Chris asked. "Because it reflected how you felt."

He realized how clichéd that was the second it came out of his mouth.

"No," she chuckled slightly. "The Alexa that got attacked was vulnerable, she wore skirts and cutesy dresses. She was desirable. Whoever that man was wanted her because of the way she dressed. She seemed like an easy target. This Alexa, she scares people away, she's not an easy target."

"Alexa, I'm so sorry," Chris said. "I didn't know what was going on, but I knew something was wrong and I pushed you away."

"No," Alexa said. "It's not your fault, I shut all of you guys out. I got a little caught up in what was happening to me and forgot that I had people who would have loved me anyway."

"Still, I was a jerk to you. I ignored you all year."

"Yeah, that is true," Alexa teased. "You were a massive jerk."

Chris put an arm around her shoulder laughing along with her and she leaned into him, accepting the warmth that his body offered. "Although, I do like this Alexa," Chris said, after a few minutes. "I liked old Alexa better."

"She got walked all over and she was an easy target," Alexa said. "I can't be her again, Chris, being her is like a constant reminder of what happened to me. My body already reminds me of what happened that night, I'm trying to keep the triggers minimal."

"What about a compromise?" Chris asked. "So maybe you aren't her anymore, but I don't think you're this girl either. Maybe you're a little bit of both?"

"I never thought of it like that," she whispered, running over the idea in her mind. He wasn't wrong. She could never fit back into the old Alexa's body, but she never really fit into this one either.


	8. Chapter 8

**I feel as though this goes without saying, but in case you have not yet caught on, I shall repeat my shpeel. I OWN NOTHING! I DO NOT OWN GLEE! I OF COURSE, DO NOT OWN POISON AND WINE BY THE CIVIL WARS! IF YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THAT SONG YOU ARE LAME AND I SUGGEST YOU LISTEN TO IT! IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES!  
Okay, before I can get down to business, I have some distressing news. I am about to go back to school, which means fewer updates. Regular dance also begins for me next week and I dance for an hour and half at least every week night and Saturday. On Thursdays and Tuesdays I am at the studio from four until nine. I will also have to start working at the studio because I am broke and have to pay for gas money. Yet another reason that this fic will likely go on HIATUS starting the twentieth. I am horribly sorry for anyone who is reading this, if there is anyone who is actually reading this. I wouldn't know, I have been receiving all kinds of radio silence from you guys. Despite the lack of time that I will have, I am determined to finish this fic. **

Alexa walked up the aisle looking down at her feet. She didn't want to look at any of them, didn't want to see the questions that were sure to be written all over their faces. When she got to the stage, guitar held in her shaky grasp, she saw Chris smiling at her. It was like this gigantic 'welcome back' smile that spread into his sparkly blue eyes.

Chris couldn't help the glee that filled his body. Alexa, well a hybrid of both girls. She had on the cute red sundress that Matthew had forced her into, black ankle boots with spunky silver studs and a denim vest. Her makeup, though it highlighted her features, was far less severe and menacing than it had been in the previous weeks. And to top it all off, her hair was the unwavering blonde waves that was solely old Alexa.

"You look good," he whispered in her ear as they settled into their stools. She laid her guitar over her lap and took a long shaky breath.

"Thanks," she whispered back. How was she this nervous? She never got nervous on stage.

"Hey," Chris said, squeezing her shoulder. "I'm going to be sitting right here the whole time and you'll do amazing. You're Alexa Puckerman, you can blow the socks off of any audience."

Alexa chuckled, looking down at her instrument. She honed her focus in on the instrument, taking her mind off of the audience. Her glance clashing with Chris' for a fraction of a second, she began to pull at the strings, her eyes fluttering closed.

"You only know what I want you to," Chris started. When Alexa looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his hands were straining against his jeans, his knuckles turning white.

"I know everything you don't want me to," Alexa added, her tongue sliding over the words. The people watching must've seen something, must have seen the change in dynamic between them. They looked so comfortable with each other, like they were communicating in a language that no one else could begin to understand.

Alexa appeared to be open to him all the while remaining completely walled off to anyone who was watching. Something had to have happened while they were rehearsing the night before, the two could hardly stand to be in the same room yesterday and now? Now, they were up on that stage singing like they were freshman again. Like they did before Chris started dating Ally. Before Alexa went dark.

"Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine," Chris sang, his eyes fluttering open. Their gazes were glued together, unceasingly locked on each other.

"You think your dreams are the same as mine," Alexa continued.

"Oh I don't love you, but I always will," they began together. It was the first time in a long time that they had really been this intimate with each other. This was far more intimate than talking about the rape or suicide. This was real communication, far deeper than anything simple words could express. This was them, this was how it was supposed to be. Just like at the farewell party, Alexa and Chris' chemistry was undeniable. They were inevitable, maybe. A match made in heaven, even if they weren't. a couple. Soulmates, even, in the most innocent sense of the word. "Oh I don't love you, but I always will. Oh I don't love you, but I always will, I always will."

"I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back," Alexa sang. Were those tears in her eyes?

"The less I give the more I get back," Chris added. He felt tears identical to hers spilling down his cheeks too.

"Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise," Alexa belted out.

"I don't have a choice, but I'd still choose you," Chris cried, Alexa's voice growing to mix with his.

"Oh I don't love you, but I always will," they sang. "I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love you, but I always will. I don't love you, but I always will. I always will."

"I always will. I always will. I always will," they finished. "I always will."

The minute the strings of her guitar stood still, they both clambered from their stools and attached themselves to each other. She cried into his shoulder, her whole body shaking against him. Chris' hand found the back of her head, cradling it in that way that had always calmed her down. Chris dug his nose into her hair, inhaling the familiar scent of her that he had believed was long gone. The deep vanilla of her perfume, the tropical shampoo. It was all her and it was there. How had he ever not realized how lost he was without her sarcasm and smile?

They couldn't hear the applause, but it rippled through the auditorium. Maybe they were cheering for the performance, because God knows that was breathtaking. Or maybe they were clapping for the bond that had been healed.

"It's about damn time," Finn shouted. Alexa giggled, pulling away from Chris. He never wanted to let go of her out of fear that she would disappear again. She allowed him to put an arm around her shoulder, her body fitting into his side like they were puzzle pieces. He felt his fingers dance up her hands and to her wrist, where he felt the raised scars that were just another reminder of how much she had needed him.

"It's good to have you two back," Sam smiled from his seat at the director's table in the middle of the auditorium.

Chris kissed Alexa on the head before stepping away from her and allowing her to step down the stairs. She picked a row toward the front of the auditorium, plopping down in the seat and resting her guitar on the floor.

"I was pregnant," Alexa blurted out.

Chris, who had formerly been laying on the floor, his feet propped up on the base of her bed, twisted to look up at her. She was still sitting cross-legged on top of her bed, a guitar in her lap and her hair pulled back into a bun on her head. Her fingers had stopped mid-strum and her eyes were sort of glazed over, like she wasn't entirely in that moment.

"What?" Chris asked.

"I was pregnant," she repeated, snapping back into reality. "I had hated the idea at first, was so disgusted that I had to carry my rapist's baby for all that time. But after a while, I started to warm up to the idea. It wasn't the kid's fault that their father was a low-life."

"What happened?" Chris asked.

"I miscarried," she stated so horrifyingly emotionless. "I would have loved the kid, protected it, you now. It's kind of funny actually, the kid lived through me nearly bleeding out on my bathroom floor, but just died one day. Life is such a fickle thing, it's fucking pathetic."

"Why are you telling me this?" Chris asked.

"Matthew told me about Ally's abortion," Alexa replied, looking down at him. He could see the tears streaming down her cheeks now. "And I think it's selfish, you know."

She was full out sobbing now. Chris moved to sit next to her on the bed.

"She killed a baby that someone out there would have loved to have," Alexa said, her voice muffled by his shirt. "And I mean I'm not out to make Ally a bad guy, she had her reasons. But who is she to throw away a life?"

"I spent so much time hating her," Chris admitted. "I wasn't ready to be a father, but it was my kid too. That should have at least meant something, right?"

It was silent for a minute, neither really knew what to say to break the quiet.

"What would you have named them?" Chris asked. "Your kid, I mean."

"If it was a girl, Lydia Ann," Alexa said. "A boy would have been Gabriel Daniel. What about you?"

"Well, I didn't know about the baby until it didn't matter anymore, but if it was a boy Jude Micheal and if it was a girl, Julia Esther."

"Esther?" Alexa chuckled. "Were you planning on having an eighty year old woman?"

"What? I like the name?" Chris said.

"Or is because that's what your mother would have named you if you were a girl?" Alexa teased.

"How did you know that?" Chris asked.

"I have my sources," Alexa joked.

"Is one a fourteen year old girl?"

"I'll never release the identities of my agents," Alexa said crossing her arms, the tears long forgotten. "It's in the spy-code."

"I guess I'll have to resort to torture," Chris said, his hands pinching and prodding over all the sensitive skin exposed on her body. Alexa's fatal flaw, all joking aside, was how ticklish she was. She could never withstand an interrogation from the tickle monster. When they were kids that was how Chris got all the juicy secrets. Even found out what his parents were getting him for his twelfth birthday from a giggling Alexa that was so out of breath that it was hard to make out the words 'tickets to Fall Out Boy'.

Like always, Alexa squirmed and fought against him, but he had her beat. He was straddling her, keeping her from moving and she was pathetically outnumbered. Even in the old days, she hadn't been strong enough to put up much of fight. That didn't mean she didn't try.

"Alexa," Quinn called from the bottom of the stairs. "Is Chris staying for dinner?"

Chris had momentarily stopped the torture, but hadn't removed himself from her body. A fact that had not gone unnoticed by either of them. "You want to stay for dinner? I think its taco night," she asked, still trying to catch her breath.

"Sounds better than whatever vegan crap my mom is gonna make," Chris smiled.

"Yeah," Alexa called back to her mother.

"Can Mallory stay for dinner too?" Finn called. Alexa hadn't even realized that her brother's girlfriend was even over.

"Yes, sweetie," Quinn called. Alexa could hear the clack of her mother's heels against the hardwood kitchen floor.

"Settle down in there, would ya?" Finn shouted, pounding on the wall with his fist. "It's ruining the mood."

"Be safe," Alexa hollered back. "I think there are still condemns in the bathroom drawer."

"Screw you," Finn shouted. Alexa giggled, pushing Chris off of her. He flopped flat on his back on the bed next to her.


	9. Chapter 9

**I OWN NOTHING! I ONLY OWN GLEE IN MY DREAMS! I DO NOT OWN LOVELY BY SARA HAZE, BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I WISH THAT I DID!**

 **I AM THINKING ABOUT MAKING THE NEXT CHAPTER REGIONALS, BUT AS ALWAYS, THAT IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE SEE AS I AM HORRIBLE AT PLANNING THESE SORT OF THINGS AND I OFTEN SUFFER FROM INTENSE HATRED OF WHAT I WRITE. BUT, ENOUGH OF THE RAMBLING. HERE IS CHAPTER NINE. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT, LET ME KNOW IF YOU DO!**

Alexa looked herself over in the mirror. She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed the curl falling in front of her eye behind her ear and huffed through nose. She fought the urge to rip off the pink skirt that she had spent far too much time trying to dig out of the depths of her closet. On her feet there was a pair of cutesy turquoise ballet flats. To top it all off, she had on a white tank top and a tan leather jacket.

Her hair was down in waves, showing off the new haircut Mallory had talked her into getting. Bangs. Gosh dang bangs. She wouldn't lie, she did like the new haircut, but she wasn't sure if it was really her.

There was a knock on her door and she called for whoever it was to open it. She glanced one last time in the mirror, shoving her hands in her pocket before turning to face the intruder. It was her mother, telling her it was time to go to school. There were muffins on the table if she was hungry, but she never was. Just another beautiful side effect of the medication that kept her from jumping off the roof of the school or driving the truck into the river.

"Take a muffin," her father instructed as she passed the kitchen table. He was sitting at the head of the table, buried in a pile of his own fruit filled pastries. "The doctors said you are dropping too low again."

"It's not my fault," she huffed, grabbing the muffin her father was holding in her direction. "They keep adjusting my meds. I'm not purposefully not eating, I'm just not hungry, ever."

Alexa looked at the muffin in her hand as she pushed the front door open, swinging her bag up on her shoulder. Finn was sitting in the driver's seat, the radio already blaring old Walk the Moon songs. She sat down in the passenger seat, yanking the door closed.

"Are you going to eat that?" Finn asked. "Or is that going to rot in your locker like the waffles from last week?"

"Shut up," Alexa hissed, staring at the food in her hand. She forced herself to take a bite of it, trying to fight the urge to vomit all over the dashboard.

"Good girl," Finn smiled, backing into the street. Other than radio blasting, the ride to school was silent. She hopped out of the car and closed the door, not bothering to say goodbye to her brother or call the usual 'see ya in glee club' in his direction. Stuck in her own head, she walked down the hallway to her locker and pulled it open without thinking much of it. She was so caught up in her head that she didn't notice that someone had walked behind the open locker door.

"Knock, knock," Matthew said, pounding playfully on the metal. Alexa jumped about a foot in the air, nearly smacking her friend in the face with her spastic hand motions.

"Easy there, girlie," Matthew smiled, leaning against the lockers. "I was just stopping to chat."

"Sorry," Alexa said. "I'm just having a rough morning, you know?"

"Need to talk about it?" Matthew offered. "I am quite an amazing listener if I do say so myself."

Alexa doubted that very much. Just speaking from experience, Matthew had great intentions and always knew how to cheer her up. But a good listener? That wasn't exactly the case. He was a great talker, no doubt, but when it came to listening he struggled to keep in his comments and ideas to himself.

"No, I'm good," she smiled, pulling a book out of her locker and shoving into her bag. "I have to get to class, I'll see you in the choir room? Maybe we can get a bite to eat afterward."

"Sounds good," Matthew said. "But I get to pick the restaurant. I ain't eating at no more hole in the wall dumps that serve the same cold slop everyday as their specials."

"No Breadstix either," Alexa called over her shoulder. "I can't keep eating the same pasta, I think I might blow up."

"You have no sense of loyalty."

"You have no sense of adventure."

With that, Alexa disappeared into the crowd of her peers. She was such an outstanding person, unable to blend in. But when she wanted to, she could go unnoticed without so much of an effort.

Alexa walked into the choir room and sat down in the corner, even though she was the first to enter the room. She watched her classmates file in, one at a time. They all sat in various spots, most not even bothering to acknowledge her existence. Chris plopped down next to her, draping an arm around the back of her chair. She squirmed a little, feeling more than a little bit suffocated by his proximity.

"Uncle Sam," Alexa called, her hand rising timidly in the air. "Can I please show something that I've been working on?"

"The floor is all yours," Sam said, stepping from the middle of the floor and dropping into a chair amongst his students.

Alexa sat down at the piano bench, adjusting her skirt so she didn't flash anyone the pink penguin underwear she had on. Her fingers began dancing across the keys, the fluidity of her motions appearing breathtakingly effortless.

"I don't wanna be her," Alexa started. "I just want to be little old me. Shouldn't have to think who am I supposed to be today. And what gave you the right to tell me who I should be? Who gave you that right?"

"Cause I, I feel lovely," she sang, her body moving with music. "Just the way that I am. Yes, I feel lovely, the way that I am."

"I know you want the best," Alexa belted out. "Yeah, only good things for me, but you have to realize I can't be all these things you project on me cause I'm beautiful to me. Doesn't that mean a thing, I feel lovely just the way that I am. Yes, I feel lovely the way that I am."

"I need that to be enough for you, need that to be enough for you, cause it's enough for me. It's enough for me," she sounded a little bit like she was crying at this point. Her body shaking even with the tears that were certain to be spilling.

"Am I supposed to give up everything I am just to make you happy," Alexa belted out. "I thought I was the one you always wanted me to be. It turns out I'm just little old me, I'm just little old me and that's fine by me. Cause I, I am lovely just the way that I am. Oh, yes I am, yes I am lovely. The way that I am."

"I am lovely, lovely," she finished. "I am lovely."

She stepped away from the piano, wiping away the tears that were on her cheeks. Alexa stood facing the expectant audience that just stared at her. She clasped her hands behind her back, waiting for the applause to settle down.

"Alexa," Sam said. "Why did you pick that particular song?"

"Well," she began. "I have a bit of a confession to make. This isn't me. This cute skirt and the bright colored shoes, these aren't me. But the leather and dark makeup isn't me either. I don't know who I am. My identity was stolen from me and I'm still trying to figure out where I go from there. I guess what I am trying to say is that you all expect me to be someone. You expect me to be a certain thing and I can't be what you want me to be. I'm never going to be the old Alexa, but the girl that I was prancing around as for a year wasn't me either. She was just the side effect of my circumstances. Who I am is somewhere in between. I just haven't found the balance yet. I was raped, that's why I tried to kill myself. That night sent me into a downward spiral that would inevitably end in my destruction. It was my point of no return. I lied to you guys and I'm sorry, but please, quit expecting things from me."

Everyone stared at her and before anyone could move a muscle she was sprinting out of the room, her footsteps echoing down the hallway as she disappeared.

Only minutes later, Chris found her leaned up against her brother's truck with a box of cheap lights in her hand. He watched slightly dumbfounded as she put a cigarette between her lips and  
dug the lighter out of her pocket. The little flame illuminated her face as she lit the cigarette clenched between her teeth. Inhaling deeply, she pocketed the lighter and held the cigarette in between her two perfectly polished fingers. Lucy placed it back in its home as her ruby red lips wrapped around it. Through a little 'o' she blew a puff of smoke into the night air.

Chris felt strange standing there watching her with his hands dug deep in his pocket. "You really should quit," he said, sidling up next to her. Alexa didn't seem like the type of girl who would smoke, but this was the second time he'd seen her with a lit cigarette in her mouth. "That shit will kill you."

"So I've heard," she said, exhaling a puff of smoke.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked.

"What do you think?" Alexa asked, dropping the half-finished cigarette into the dirt and stomping on it. "Do I look okay?"

"I think you look okay, but I don't think you're okay," Chris said, looking down at her.

"I'm fine," she lied.

"Alexa, have you ever considered therapy?" Chris offered.

"I'm in therapy and I'm on all kinds of psychiatric drugs," Alexa huffed, digging her hands into the pocket of her jacket. She was just now realizing how much it was cooling off. Winter was approaching. "I'm just not good yet, you know. I'm trying really hard, but I'm not there yet."

"You'll get there," Chris said, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. Underneath the smell of smoke and tobacco, he could still pick up the strong scent of her shampoo and vanilla perfume. The way she smelled, god that was hypnotizing.

Alexa relaxed into his body, feeling the tension in her muscles release the pressure she hadn't known she was holding. She had forgotten how easy it was to just be with him. He didn't expect anything from her. Chris only asked that she exist and that in and of itself, was enough for him.

"I'll get there," she smiled up at him. She leaned her head against his chest and they stood there for a while, neither bothering to break the silence and say something. But inevitably, a word would have to be uttered.

"Matthew and I are gonna go get a bite to eat," Alexa said. "Wanna come with? You can come over afterward, we can watch some movies or something."

"Sounds like fun," Chris said, pulling away from Alexa and righting his body. "Come on, let's get back to the choir room before they send out a search party."

"We wouldn't want that," Alexa giggled, following Chris through the parking lot and in the hallway. They found their seats in the back of the choir room, nobody paying much attention to their return.


	10. Chapter 10

The twins had sent the costumes for regionals in the mail, having hand sewed all of them individually. Alexa had to admit, they were pretty impressive. For the girls, red strapless high low dresses accentuated by sequins and glitter with waists cinched by large black buckle belts. There were tall black pumps the complete the outfit that hurt Alexa's feet just staring them down. For the boys black pants and a black shirt and vest combo. A splash of red came from their obviously custom made leather shoes and the sparkly red bowtie that scratched at their necks.

Alexa paced nervously up and down the hallway outside of the classroom that Dalton Academy had allotted for them to get dressed in. Under her breath, she hummed the words to the songs mentally going through the choreography. She fiddled with her fingers and her eyes were spaced out. When Chris peeked out to look for her, he watched the long braid Mallory had knotted into her hair swipe at her back. Her heels clacked dully on the linoleum floors of the hallway.

"Sam is gathering us up," Chris said. The sudden sound of his voice startled Alexa sending her stumbling as she twisted suddenly to see who was speaking to her. Chris reached out, wrapping his arms around her little waist. Her arms clamped around his neck, her body latching onto him. With the assistance of a laughing Chris, Alexa righted herself. Once she was free from his safety grip, she took a breath and straightened out her dress.

"Well," Alexa huffed, pushing a stray hair behind her ear that was adorned with a gigantic silver hoop. "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."

Chris chuckled holding the door to the classroom open for her. She nodded at him with a smile on her perfectly glossed lips. He glanced into her eyes for a minute, the deep sea green was illuminated by the thick lines of makeup that were so expertly applied. But there was something else buried in there, beneath the usual nervousness that could be seen twirling around in her eyes right before she stepped on stage. There was something that he couldn't quite put his finger on, which was strange, he was usually pretty good at reading her. It wasn't like it was hard or anything, you just had to look her in the eye to see what she was feeling.

"You okay," Chris whispered in her ear as they joined the show circle.

"Never better," Alex whispered back, not pulling her eyes away from Sam who was standing opposite them stammering on about the sacristy of the show circle and the bonds that had built from the show circle over the years. She wasn't lying, he could tell that much, but something was still off. Chris decided it was best not to push it, casting the thought to the back of his mind and directing his attention back to Sam. He was now going on about how moving a performance could be if it came from the heart. Even the former alumni New Directions that were scattered about the circle stared at him skeptically.

The man meant well, didn't have it in him to ever have a bad intention, but he wasn't exactly the best pep talker. Mr. Shue, who had elected to accompany them on this trip, finally took pity on the younger man and stepped in.

"I think what Sam is trying to say is that you guys have the potential to be something great," Mr. Shue started. "But to reach that potential you have to go out there and perform like your life depends on it. Every movement and every word will mean nothing unless it comes from your heart. Is that about right, Sam?"

"Yep," Sam said. "You basically just stole the words from my mouth."

"Alright, break a leg," Mr. Shue said as everyone piled their hands in the middle of the circle. "Alexa would you like to do the honors?"

"One, Two, Three," she exclaimed. She barely had time to get the last word across her lips before the people surrounding her began shouting.

The next few minutes went by in a blur and before Alexa could blink, they were standing on the stage staring at the crimson curtains that separated them from the audience. She couldn't see the people, but she could hear the buzz that indicated the one thing that excited her more than anything; a full house.

The curtains drew open and they all shouted 'oh what a beautiful life.' Alexa stood in the back, Chris a few rows in front of her. She watched his body contract and expand as he formed the breath he needed to sing. Finn stood to her left, strumming his guitar so effortlessly.

"These days, well, they're looking up," Chris started, walked down the stairs weaving his way through the rows of his peers.

"We got so much to say," Finn began, following Chris down the stairs. "We got someone to love."

"We got good friends," Alexa said, feeling the heat of a spotlight casting on her. She stepped down the stairs, praying that she didn't roll an ankle in her shoes. She found herself standing between her brother and her best friend, smiling wider than she had in a long time. "They're so good to us. And haters can hate and fakers can front."

"So we try to live," the trio sang together. "Like it's all we've got cause for all we know…"

"This could be the last night of our lives," the entire choir shouted. "Gonna chase down our every desire. We blaze the night with all we've been waiting for. All this time reaches such great heights. Gives us just one perfect night to say 'oh, what a beautiful life'."

"Comes out of the dark," Mallory sang, joining the line that was starting to form in front of the stair. "We got nothing to fear, we got nothing but heart."

"Can't just wait here to see what it brings," Finn and Alexa sang. "We got too many hopes, we got too many dreams."

"So we try to live," Matthew sang, joining the group. "Like it's all we've got cause for all we know…"

"This could be the last night of our lives gonna chase down our every desire," the choir sang. "We blaze the night with all we've been waiting for. All this time, reaches such great heights. Gives us just one perfect night to say 'oh, what a beautiful life'."

"This could be the last night of our lives gonna chase down our every desire," they continued. "We blaze the night…

"With all we've been waiting for," Alexa sang.

"All this time, reaches such great heights," Chris added.

"Gives us just one perfect night to say…" Chris and Alexa belted out. They weren't sure when this had happened, but here they were with their hands intertwined.

"This could be the last night of our lives gonna chase down our every desire," the choir sang. "We blaze the night with all we've been waiting for. All this time, reaches such great heights. Gives us just one perfect night to say 'oh, what a beautiful life'."

"'Oh, what a beautiful life'," they all sang.

"Oh, what a beautiful life'," Chris belted out.

"Oh," Alexa finished. "Oh, what a beautiful life."

The lights faded and they rearranged themselves so they were all standing on the same step. Alexa and Chris stood a step beneath them, facing each other. She felt something strange boiling inside of her, something that made her feel like she might throw up all over him.

"I got those jet pack blues," Chris started, moving but never breaking eye contact with Alexa. "Just like Judy, the kind that make June feel like September. I'm the last one that you'll ever remember."

"And I'm trying to find my peace of mind," Alexa began, twisting next to him. Every brush of skin sent something flying through her body, every bump making her body ignite in flames. "Behind these two white highway lines when the city goes silent, the ringing in my ears gets violent."

"She's in a long black coat tonight, waiting for me in the downpour outside. She's singing 'baby come home' in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time," Chris belted out, him and Alexa now twirling around.

"And I remember 'Baby, come home'," Chris and Alexa shout.

"I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home'," the choir shouts, the fluidity of their movements matching Chris and Alexa's.

"Did you ever love her?" Alexa belts out. "Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone? And she was singing 'Baby, come home'. I remember 'Baby, come home'."

"I've got those jet pack blues," Chris sings, feeling Alexa against him as they move together. They were so in sync that it was scary, their bodies almost one separate entity. "Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me. Honey, don't you leave."

"Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?" Alexa shouted. "It never mattered what it was. I think our heads were just that close. The sweetness never lasts, you know."

"She's in a long black coat tonight," all of the guys sing. "Waiting for me in the downpour outside, she's singing 'Baby, come home' in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time."

"And I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home'," everyone belted out.

"Did you ever love her?" The girls begin. "Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone? And she was singing 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home'."

The music slows down and their movements become slower, but the intensity of their feelings down slow down, but grow in fire.

"She's in a long black coat tonight waiting for me in the downpour outside," Chris sings, Alexa swaying against him. "She's singing 'Baby come home' in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time."

"And I remember 'Baby, come home'," the choir shouted. "I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home', I remember 'Baby, come home'."

"Did you ever love her? Do you know?" Alexa finishes. "Or did you never want to be alone? And she was singing 'Baby, come home', 'Baby, come home'."

Once again, the lights drop and they scurry to their new positions. Alexa is standing in the corner of the stage when the light comes back on. Her friends are sitting on the stairs in clusters. There's a bright light illuminating her whole body, highlighting the flaws she wished no one would see. She felt the eyes of the hundreds of people sitting in the theater plastered to her body, picking her apart slowly.

"Oh, misty eye of the mountain below," she began, standing with her legs apart and her arms at her side. "Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls and should the sky be filled with fire and smoke, keep watching over Durin's sons."

The hushed whispers of the audience died off as Alexa attracted the attention of all the strangers. She had that effect on every audience she had ever performed in front of. She was simply captivating, there was no way around it.

As the careful strumming of her brother's guitar filled the air, she started down the stairs slowly. Alexa looked breathtaking, something about her shifting as she crossed the stage.

"If this is to end in fire," Chris sang, his voice mixing with Alexa's. He hadn't moved from his cluster. "Then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb high into the night."

"Calling out father, oh," Alexa continued. "Stand by and we will watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side."

The music continued and one by one, each member of the club rose to their feet and moved behind Alexa. None of them were particularly thrilled about being back up to Alexa again, but despite their disdain, they recognized one thing. She would always be the lead. Alexa belonged in the spotlight, always had and always would. And if it weren't here, it would be the twins or someone else. 

"And if we should die tonight," Finn sang. "Then we should all die together. Raise a glass of wine for the last time"

"Calling out father, oh, prepare as we will," the choir sang. "Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side. Desolation comes upon the sky."

"Now I see fire," Alexa sang, her voice rising above the rest. "Inside the mountain. I see fire burning the trees. And I see fire hollowing souls. I see fire, blood in the breeze and I hope that you remember me."

"Oh, should my people fall then surely I'll do the same. Confined in mountain halls we got too close to the flame," Alexa continued. "Calling out father, oh, hold fast and we will watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side. Desolation comes upon the sky."

"Now I see fire," they all sang. "Inside the mountain. I see fire burning the trees. I see fire hollowing souls. I see fire, blood in the breeze and I hope that you remember me. And if the night is burning I will cover my eyes."

"For if the dark returns then my brothers will die," Alexa belts out. "And as the sky is falling down it crashed into this lonely town and with that shadow upon the ground I hear my people screaming out."

"Now I see fire," they choir continued. "Inside the mountains. I see fire burning the trees. I see fire hollowing souls. I see fire, blood in the breeze. I see fire."

"Oh you know I saw a city burning out," Alexa cries, her voice wavering only the slightest bit.

"And I see fire," the choir sang.

"Feel the heat upon my skin, yeah," Alexa belts out.  
"And I see fire," Alexa finishes. "And I see fire burn auburn on the mountain side."

The music stops the second her voice dies and it's deadly quiet for a minute. Then, it comes like an eruption of gunfire. The applause ripples through the audience, filling the auditorium with such a beautiful sound. Alexa feels her body relax, hot tears blurring her vision and arms wrap around her body. She looks to her left. Finn is standing there, his guitar dangling from his back. On her right she finds Matthew basking in the glory. She glances down further to find Chris, his eyes connected with hers and a smile on his lips. Alexa can't help the grin that creeps onto her lips, can't help the ease that bubbles up inside of her.

This is what it feels like to be okay, she realizes. This is what it feels like to belong somewhere.


	11. Chapter 11

**For the last chapter I failed to mention that I do not own glee, I See Fire by Ed Sheeran, Beautiful Life by Nick Fadiani or Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy. For this chapter I do not own Crazy Youngsters by Esther Dean or Kiss With A Fist by Florence and the Machine. I AS ALWAYS, DO NOT OWN GLEE!**

 **IS THERE ANYONE ACTUALLY OUT THERE? I mean, I'm not really writing this for anyone, but my own curiosity so it doesn't matter if there's anyone out there who is reading this, but it would be nice to know if there was, you know. So please, anyone, if you are out there, do let me know. I appreciate feedback.**

Alexa watched the seniors put the trophy in the case along with all the others that had piled up over the years. They all looked so happy, proud that they were once again returning to Nationals. They had won, without much competition. Yes, all the other teams were flawless, but they weren't exactly national's material. Ever since Vocal Adrenaline had barred from competing after their frequent steroid use a few years ago, winning had been a breeze. It took away the fun, yes, but it was one less thing to worry about.

A bottle of sparkling grape juice was popped and cheap plastic cups were filled with the bubbling liquid. Alexa sipped hers from her perch on the piano, her bare feet swinging back and forth as she chattered with her friends. She had on a crisp white blouse, a green cardigan, her signature black pencil skirt with the gold hardware, and gray tights with black polka-dots. Her hair was tied over her shoulder in a messy French braid and her lips glittered with her favorite pink lip balm. Chris watched her throw her head back with laughter at something Thayer, the latest addition to the club, had said to her.

The two had been growing increasingly close over the last few days. At the celebration party, they had sung a duet that was breathtaking and all. But ever since, they had been inseparable, a fact that hadn't gone unnoticed by Chris. He watched her put an arm over Thayer's shoulder, her head resting a top his as her laughter continued. Chris felt something build inside of him, a feeling he couldn't recognize.

"Excuse me," Matthew hollered, stepping on a chair. "I propose a toast to the one and only Alexandra Puckerman, for which without her we would certainly have lost."

Alexa blushed watching the people surrounding her hold up their cups and chant her name. Everyone took a gulp of their drink. After hers had slid down her throat, Alexa caught the attention of her entire choir.

"Okay," Alexa shouted, setting her cup down on the piano. "I say we celebrate New Directions style."

A collective cheer filled the room and with the help of Thayer she stepped onto the piano. Finn had found a guitar amongst the mess and Chris plopped down at the drums.

"One day the world will be gone," Alexa started. "There'll be no one here to walk the land. One day what you know will be wrong, there'll be no one here to hold your hand. Right now we're crazy youngsters. Time is running out, but who cares we're running free. They call us crazy youngsters, we don't apologize. We're mad and running free."

"They call us crazy youngsters," Alexa belted out, allowing Thayer and Matthew to lift her off of her self-claimed stage. "Time is running out but who cares we're running free."

"Hell yeah, we're crazy youngsters," all the girls sang, dancing on each other in a way that they knew drove the boys crazy. "We don't apologize, we're mad and running free."

"Cause we got," they boys sang. "Hey, we got a lot of things to do."

"Hey, we got a lot of things to prove," Alexa belted out, pulling Thayer away from the group. She grabbed a hold of his collar. He was against her, now his hands on her hips. The club let out a plethora noises, all along the lines of 'oh' or 'hot damn'. "Yeah we got a lot of room to grow. Yeah we got a lot of miles to go. So we keep driving, we keep driving. One day when the story's all told, there'll be no more words to fill the page. One night when the stars are all gone, there'll be no more light to guide the way."

"Right now we're crazy youngsters," Alexa continues. "Time is running out, but who cares we're running free. They call us crazy youngsters we don't apologize, we're mad and running free. They call us crazy youngsters. Time is running out but who cares we're running free. Hell yeah, we're crazy youngsters. We don't apologize, we're mad and running free."

"Hey, we got a lot of things to do," Alexa sings. "Hey, we got a lot of things to prove, yeah we got a lot of room to grow. Yeah we got a lot of miles to go so we keep driving, we keep driving."

"We keep driving, we keep driving," Alexa sang, her body moving against Thayer's. "And don't blink till its over, the fun has just begun. Let's finish the race while our hearts are young. Cause we're crazy youngsters, time is running out but who cares we're running free. Hell yeah we're crazy youngsters. We don't apologize, we're mad and running free."

"Hey, we got a lot of things to do," Alexa continues. "Hey we got a lot of things to prove. Hey, we got a lot of room to grow. Yeah we got a lot of miles to go so we keep driving, oh ooh oh."

"Hell yeah we're crazy youngsters," Alexa finishes. "We keep driving, driving, driving, driving."

Like always, she manages to blow away all that hear her. Everyone is dancing together now, even though the music has long since died away. Chris watched her rest her head on Thayer's chest, dancing slowly to some romantic song that no one else could hear. It was horrible to watch, but all at the same time it wasn't. Alexa seemed happy with him, which was a miracle in and of itself. But the fact that it was with Thayer drove him up the walls.

Thayer didn't know Alexa, not like he did. He hadn't been there for all the birthdays or piano recitals. But then Chris remembered, he hadn't been there either. Was this what Thayer was? A fresh start. If he was, Chris totally understood. Alexa more than deserved a clean slate and that was something only Thayer could offer her. He hadn't seen her when she went dark, he didn't expect anything from her.

Chris had nearly flipped his lid when he walked into the college bar the Lima Losers were performing at. In the middle of the crowd that was flanking he stage, he saw Thayer smiling up at Alexa. He was livid. What the hell was that goody two shoes doing at a bar?

Alexa was clad in her usual punk rocker girl garb, eliminating any sign of the Alexa that he had seen only a few hours before in the choir room. She had on super tight skinny jeans, a red see through tank top that obviously showed off her black bra, a big silver belt and leather cuffs. Her hair had been pulled into a pony tail and her lips were cherry red. As per usual, her makeup was dark and she was already stealing the attention of the audience. Her blue chrome electric guitar was strapped to her, already morphed into an extension of her body.

"You hit me once," Alexa started, her thick voice filling the room. When they were growing up, this had been one of Alexa's favorite songs. He would recognize the intro to it anywhere after all the afternoons and car rides he had been forced to listen to it. Not that it was a bad song, but really, you couldn't have found something a little bit more modern, Alexa? That song was what, thirty years old? "I hit you back. You gave a kick, I gave a slap. You smashed a plate over my head, then I set fire to our bed."

"She's really good isn't she," Thayer shouted over the blaring music. He hadn't even realized that the other boy had spot him let alone approached him.

"Yeah," Chris agreed a little distantly. "She's really something."

Thayer had no idea.

"You hit me once, I hit you back. You gave a kick, I gave a slap. You smashed a plate over my head, then I set fire to our bed."

"My black eye casts no shadow, your red eye sees no blame," Alexa continues, slamming notes angrily into her guitar. "Your slaps don't stick, your kicks don't hit so we remain the same. Blood sticks, sweat drips. Break the lock if it don't fit. A kick in the teeth is good for some, a kiss with a fist is better than none. Whoa, a kiss with a fist is better than none."

"Lex and I are going to this diner after she gets done here," Thayer said. "You wanna come with? She told me they have good pie."

This kid was making it hard to hate him. God, why did he have to be so damn nice?

"Broke your jaw once before," Alexa belted out. There was this sultry smile on her lips, like she knew the effect that she had on all of the men that were dying to 'show her a good time' or tell her how 'hot' she was. "I spilt your blood upon the floor. You broke my leg in return so let's sit back and watch the bed burn. Blood sticks, sweat drips. Break the lock if it don't fit. A kick in the teeth is good for some, a kiss with a fist is better than none. Whoa, a kiss with a fist is better than none."

"You hit me once, I hit you back. You gave a kick, I gave a slap. You smashed a plate over my head then I set fire to our bed," Alexa sang. "You hit me once, I hit you back. You gave a kick  
I gave a slap. You smashed a plate over my head."

"Then I set fire to our bed," Alexa finished. There was barely time for applause before Alexa threw herself into the next song. Before long, she was done for the night. Chris stood back while she packed up her guitars. He was about to offer to carry one for her, but Thayer beat him to it. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips before taking the bigger of the guitar cases and swinging it onto his back.

Chris wanted to throw up right there all over the bar floor. He was almost positive that he wouldn't be the first or the last one. And given the familiar reek of vomit that filled the air, he was sure that he wasn't the first one to that night. However, he swallowed the bile rising in this throat and approached the happy couple.

"Oh, hey, Chris," Alexa smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I didn't know that you came tonight. Um, Thayer and I were gonna go up to the diner, you wanna join us? Allen's been asking about you, wants to know when that 'skinny kid' was gonna come back and eat all his pie again."

"No, I can't," Chris lied. "I have to –uh –pick up Landry from her musical rehearsal."

"Tell her I to text me," Alexa said. "Her and I need to go out and do something. Get coffee, take a trip to the mall. It feels like forever since we've had a little bit of girl time."

"I didn't know you and Lan were still that close," Chris said.

"Well, I felt bad," Alexa said. "I left her with you for a year. Every girl needs a big sister, even if they aren't related."


	12. Chapter 12

**As per usual, I OWN NOTHING! Once again I apologize for the lack of updates. I started school on Thursday and full time dance began again on Monday. My schedule is pretty jam packed, leaving me little to no time to write at all. This fic is no longer a major priority for me given that I would like to maintain my 4.0 and wish to place at dance competitions again. I am terribly and vastly sorry. Updates will probably grow shorter and more infrequent as the year continues. This fic will likely go on HIATUS and will probably be picked up and finished when I go on Winter Break in a few months. I love you guys and I am sorry. Enough of my rambling, here's chapter 12.**

"You and Thayer, huh?" Chris asked. Alexa was leaning against the locker next to his open one. She had a cherry lollipop in her mouth and she was waiting –rather impatiently –for Chris to finish piling his books into his bag. The heels of her cute leather sandals tapped against the grimy linoleum flooring that lined the hallway, her lack of patience creating a steady beat.

Alexa fiddled around with the hem of her dress, she had picked a simple baby blue one with a cute lemon yellow sweater to keep out the late autumn chill. Her hair was curled on the ends then pulled tightly into a ponytail and as far as he could see, makeup was an idea that had completely slipped her mind that morning, a fact that he was grateful for. Chris watched her pull the sucker out of her mouth and heat rise to her cheeks.

"Yeah," she said, embarrassment written all over her face. "I really like him, you know? He's a good guy. Thayer makes me happy."

"Well, I'm happy for you," Chris smiled. He didn't think he was lying. It was good to see her this happy but he just wished that it wasn't with _Thayer._ God, even his name made him want to puke all over the hallway. He slammed his locker door, a little too loudly.

"Thanks," Alexa replied, adjusting the straps of her backpack. "Ready to go? Thayer and I have a date tonight at seven and I need at least two hours to get ready."

"Two hours, Lex?" Chris teased. "What are you planning to do? Go to the mall and buy a new outfit."

"You don't understand," Alexa stated as they continued down the hallway. "It takes ten minutes to shower, five minutes to shave my legs and forty-five minutes to get my hair to look like this. That's already an hour gone. Then you have to calculate in makeup and picking an outfit and you barely have enough time."

"Being a girl sounds painful," Chris chuckled.

"You have no idea," Alexa laughed, hopping into the passenger seat of Chris' 'baby'. She reached for the radio only to get her hand smacked away by Chris who gave her a pointed look. She knew better than to mess with the radio, no one got to pick the music but the driver himself. "You are ridiculous. I am so not listening your current pop music shit. If we're going to listen to your music, at least let us listen to the oldies or something."

"Fine," Chris said, pulling down the sun visor to reveal the CD case that held a plethora of his favorite albums and old music he had picked up. Alexa pulled out an old Journey CD, slipped it into the player. "Oh, you did not. Really, Lex? How are you not tired of this? Don't your parents like force you to listen to it?"

"How are you tired of it? This belongs with the greats," Alexa said. "I mean, yeah, I'm not a fan of listening to my parents reminisce every time it plays on the radio or whatever, but it is good music."

"I'll give you that," Chris said. "But if I hear my mother talk about the good old days and her high school sweet heart, I might just jump off a building."

They broke into a fit of laughter. Once the giggles had simmered down, a silence slid over the duo. It was comfortable, one that both fit into easily. Alexa leaned back in her seat, resting her head against the cool glass of the window. She hummed quietly to the music, her eyes glazing over as she spaced out.

Chris realized, glancing at her for only a moment before returning his focus to the road that she had been doing that increasingly as of resent. He hadn't noticed that about her before. Was this a new trait she had picked up throughout the dark year? The dark year, that's what they had taken to calling the year that followed her rape.

"So," Chris asked, pulling onto his street. "Where is Thayer taking you tonight?"

"We are going to a dinner and then a movie," Alexa replied hopping out of the car and closing the door. "Nothing too crazy, just simple. It's just the way I like it."

"You were always pretty easy to please," Chris said, pulling open the front door.

"I'm one for the small things in life," Alexa smiled, nodding her head in gratitude as she led the way through the front door.

"Mom," Chris called. "I'm home."

"Hello, Ms. ," Alexa shouted.

"How was school, children?" Rachel asked, descending the stairs. She had on a nice red sheath dress and nude pumps that added several inches to her height. Her hair was curled ever so slightly and her makeup was light. She was beautiful, no doubt about it, but her beauty was more classical than most. It was natural, more so than the forced beauty Alexa saw all around Lima.

"Tolerable," Alexa replied, dropping her bag into a chair at the kitchen bar.

"Anything interesting happen," Rachel probed, putting a plate of snacks in front of the two teens. Chris shoved a cookie in his mouth and swallowed it before chewing.

"Shuester busted Alexa for PDA in the hallway today," Chris said. "Let her off with a warning," Chris smirked through a mouthful of what had to be multiple cookies at this point.

"Chris," Alexa hissed, smacking him on the shoulder.

"Oh," Rachel smiled like a giddy, gossip hungry teenage girl. "Let me hear all the details. What's the lucky boy's name?"

"His name is Thayer," Alexa blushed. "He's new to the New Directions, friends with Finn."

"Do you have any pictures?" Rachel asked.

"Of course I do," Alexa replied, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her sweater. She pulled up a selfie of her and Thayer both wearing sunglasses and making goofy faces. Chris had to admit, they were a cute couple. The sun bleached blonde locks she sported were amplified by his shaggy dark hair and the intensity of her green eyes was dull compared to the deep brown of his. They evened each other out in more than just their appearances. Their personalities, however contradicting, were beyond complementary.

"He's a cutie," Rachel cooed, sliding through the pictures on Alexa's phone.

"I know," Alexa squealed. "We're going on a date tonight. A quick trip to breadstix and then off to see the new Mission Impossible movie."

"What are you gonna wear?" Rachel asked, leaning on the counter.

"Red sundress, black tights and this yellow sweater," Alexa smiled. "I'm thinking cute, but not too cute. I'm trying to say 'I'm hot and I know it' but not too cocky."

"Good plan," Rachel said. "On my first date, I wore this blue skirt and a red, white and blue t-shirt because it would match the bowling shoes. I thought I was hot stuff, which was lame because the boy I was on the date with was dating another girl. Actually, he was dating your mother, Alexa."

"I didn't think my mom ever dated anyone, but my dad," Alexa said. "And that jerk she met in New Haven."

"Alexa, your mother was quite the queen bee when we were in high school," Rachel said. "She dated Finn, slept with your father while she was still with Finn, -that's how your sister was conceived by the way –had Finn convinced Beth was his baby. Then she was with Puck while she was pregnant, though she didn't want any of us to know that at the time. Junior year she was with Sam, then cheated on him with Finn who kissed Santana who gave them both mono. Then for a summer she was back with Puck, which she doesn't think any of us know. Senior year she went a little off the deep end and slept around for a little while before trying to use your father to help her get Beth back from my mother. After Regionals, however, she shaped up for real and then slept with Puck to help him regain his confidence so he would pass history. Then she went to college and dated her fair share of professors. Then she had this experimentation phase with Santana and Mr. Shue's almost wedding. She doesn't think anyone knows about that either. Then there was that douche bag she met at school who your father threatened and then your mother assaulted. Finally, after a glee club reunion thing, she ended up with your father. They sang this lovely duet together. We always knew that they would end up together, they both just needed a little bit of time to grow up first."

"The original New Directions was one screwed up group of people," Chris muttered into a glass of water.

"I heard that, young man," Rachel hissed. "Your group isn't to kosher either, I wouldn't be so quick to point fingers if I were you. Didn't a certain twin have an abortion last year?"

"You knew about that?" Chris sputtered.

"Of course I knew about that," Rachel said, tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the granite counter top.

"You basically screamed at Ally about it for two hours, sweetie," Rachel replied nonchalantly. "Your walls are not as sound proof as you think. Which brings me to another point, you really need to tone down the moaning, girls don't find that as cute as you might think."

"Mom," Chris blushed.

Alexa was full out laughing at this point, relishing in the embarrassment of her best friend.

"Did you think I really wouldn't find out about all this stuff eventually?" Rachel asked, giggling at her son's discomfort. "Don't worry, I didn't tell Blaine or Kurt. I figured you two had already been through enough at that point. It really isn't any of our business, honey. The way you two handled it was up to you. I think that if you're mature enough to have sex then you're mature enough to figure out what to do with the consequences. Same to you, Alexa, if you're strong enough to endure what that monster did to you then you're the one that gets to decide where you go from there. I was always so proud that you chose to not let the fact that the innocent little baby's father was a bad man cloud your judgement, even if it didn't end up working out."

"You knew about that?" Alexa asked.  
"Your mother came to me and asked me how she should handle it," Rachel said, smiling sadly. "It broke her heart watching you go through that."

"You didn't tell me?" Chris asked. Alexa could see anger boiling in his eyes. "Didn't you think I had a right to know?"

"It wasn't my place to tell you," Rachel replied, watching her son try to stifle the anger that was very clearly about to bubble over. "If Alexa didn't want you to know, then I wasn't going to be the one to tell you. I may be a gossip, but there are some things that I have to draw the line on and that is most definitely one of them."

"Thank you, Aunt Rachel," Alexa smiled gratefully. "I really appreciate you not telling anyone."


	13. Chapter 13

**I OWN NOTHING! NOT GLEE OR UPTOWN FUNK OR HEARTATTACK!**

Prom. Alexa's most dreaded time of year. She had been to prom every year –freshman year with a senior on the football team, sophomore year with a pothead that was so doped up that he passed out five minutes in –and this year wasn't any different. She would spend hours and hundreds of dollars that should have gone toward college on a dress that she would spend the whole night adjusting and stumbling over. This year, she had picked a long goldish-gray dress the flowed and billowed out from just beneath her breasts.

She was actually kind of excited about it until she heard that she'd have to jump up on the stage with her choir mates and sing. Principal Shuester decided that he wanted to keep the long standing tradition of in-house entertainment standing.

Surrounded by a group of girls that had only months ago despised her, Alexa got ready. They were all crowded in Mallory's living room, spraying hair products and brushing on powders. It was easy to get lost in it all. Alexa found that out quickly, scooting out of the hustle and bustle until she was sitting on the couch just watching it all. She had finished before anyone else had –had curled her hair and everything –and was waiting rather impatiently for the boys to come pick them up in the limo. Another thing none of them could afford; to rent a limo.

When there was a knock on the door and the curtain was pulled away so Natasha could look out, everyone squealed a high pitched and ear-splitting screech when they saw a throng of teenage boys dressed in identical tuxedos with a rainbow of bowties. Alexa raced up the grand staircase with the other girls, Mallory hollering for her mother to open the door. They had to make an entrance, of course. From their hiding spot in Mallory's bedroom, they could hear the door creak open and the footfalls of their dates tapping on the wood floors.

Alexa was shoved out first, quite roughly actually. She stumbled a little bit, but recovered gracefully before setting foot out in the hallway. Though she only noticed one boy staring at her, Thayer wasn't the only one staring at her. Chris couldn't peel his eyes away from her, even though Ally, who had flown in just for the weekend, was only four steps behind Alexa.

"You look beautiful," Thayer complimented, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

"You don't look too shabby yourself," Alexa said giving her boyfriend a once over holding the collar of his jacket in her hands. She pressed her body against him and swallowed his lips in a kiss that was nothing more than hungry and animalistic. Chris couldn't help that cold feeling that waved over his body.

"Whoa, there," Finn said, grabbing Thayer a little bit of a rough shove away from his baby sister. "Keep it G, kids."

"Sorry," Alexa apologized, swiping a finger at the side of her mouth to wipe away the smudges of lip gloss. "Sometimes I get a little bit carried away."

"Keep it under control," Matthew said, putting a hand on his hip. Him and Natasha were going together, just as friends of course. She wasn't really his type. "We don't need another pregnancy scare, we've had enough drama for the rest of our lives."

Alexa glared at him, only pulled out of her rage by Mallory's mother prompting them for pictures. After being posed and documented for what felt like several hours, the teens were allowed to pile into their first class transportation and moseyed on down to Breadstix.

They all crowded around the big booth in the corner. The girls watched in disgust as the boys scarfed down plate after plate of unlimited pasta drenched in various types of sauces and the boys watched the girls in quiet fascination as they picked over salads and breadsticks.

"So, Thayer," Ally started, her body leaning into Chris'. "How do you feel about your girlfriend spending the night at my boyfriend's house?"

Her tone was playfully, but there was something devilish flitting around in her eyes.

"Well," Thayer smiled, his hold on Alexa tightening. "It took a little getting used to, but they're best friends and I guess, it's a fact of life. I mean, who wants to get in the middle of that?"

The gym was all dressed up, clad in French themed decorations. No matter how pretty the room was, there was still the distinct hint of sweat and gym socks. Teachers were lined up all over the room, standing guard to prevent punch spiking and teen sex. Sam was standing in the corner of the gym, a clipboard in his hand. Alexa was almost positive that he had the line-up for the night scratched out on some loose leaf piece of paper even though he had ingrained the set list into their brains.

The Senior boys were up first, having spent far too long perfecting a Bruno Mars song that they had dug up at the music store across the street from the Lima Bean. They got up on the stage, putting on cheap black fedoras that they probably thought were cool. The girls went wild as they began, all of them tackling the intro with over practiced ease.

"Doh," they began. All you could see was their silhouettes, the spotlights outlining them but not shinning on them. Alexa thought they had been watching too many old New Directions videos with Sam. She had seen that same lighting technique so many times that it was old news, a cheesy trick of the trade, but the audience didn't seem to agree. The girls were shouting at them and the boys were jealous. "Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh. Doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh, doh."

"This hit that ice cold. Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold," Thayer sang, Alexa laughing at the little dance he was doing as the lights came up. "This one, for them hood girls, them good girls straight masterpieces."

"Stylin', while in livin' it up in the city," they all sang. "Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent. Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty."

"I'm too hot," Finn sang.

"Hot damn," the rest of the boys added.

"Called a police and a fireman, I'm too hot," Matthew added.

"Hot damn."

"Make a dragon wanna retire, man. I'm too hot," Thayer sang, confidence and sex appeal just oozing out of his pores. Alexa felt a twinge of jealously in her stomach when a senior girl standing in front of the make shift stage reached out in his direction as if he was some celebrity on a pedestal. She wanted to punch the other girl even, but Alexa was not the kind of girl to pick fights with insecure hoes who wore dresses that showed off way too much skin. They just weren't worth it, Alexa reminded herself.

"Hot damn."

"Stop, wait a minute. Fill my cup put some liquor in it," Finn belted out, his feet moving smoothly over the stage. Someone had been practicing their fancy footwork. "Take a sip, sign a check  
Julio! Get the stretch! Ride to Harlem, Hollywood, Jackson, Mississippi. If we show up, we gonna show out. Smoother than a fresh jar o' Skippy."

"Don't believe me, just watch," Matthew belted out.

"Before we leave," Thayer sang. "Let me tell y'all a lil' something. Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up. Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up, uh. I said Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up. Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up."

"Come on, dance," Matthew sang. "Jump on it. If you sexy then flaunt it. If you freaky then own it. Don't brag about it, come show me. Come on, dance. Jump on it. If you sexy then flaunt it. Well it's Saturday night and we're in the spot. Don't believe me, just watch."

"Uptown Funk you up, Uptown Funk you up," the guys finished. "Uptown Funk you up."

Alexa cupped her hands around her mouth, the sound of her ecstatic cheers getting lost amongst the enthusiasm of the hundreds of people that surrounded her. Thayer hopped off the stage, falling in line with the rest of the guys and found her. She was residing by the punch bowl, picking over the cookies and chips –why bother with the punch anyway, she didn't need a buzz right now –when he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pressed a sloppy kiss to her temple.

"That was great, babe," Alexa smiled. "But let the masters show you how its done."

She untangled herself from her boyfriend and climbed onto the stage, her hips swaying in a way that caught the attention of all the males in the room. Alexa stepped into her spot at center stage, claiming the spotlight for herself as always.

"Putting my defenses up cause I don't wanna fall in love," Mallory began. "If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack."

"Never put my love out on the line," Alexa sang. "Never said 'yes' to the right guy. Never had trouble getting what I want, but when it comes to you, I'm never good enough."

"When I don't care," Natasha added. "I can play 'em like a Ken doll. Won't wash my hair, then make 'em bounce like a basketball."

"But you make me wanna act like a girl," Maggie sang, pulling the microphone off it's stand, following the suit of the other girls standing on the stage with her. "Paint my nails and wear high heels. Yes, you make me so nervous that I just can't hold your hand."

"You make me glow," Andrea added. "But I cover up, won't let it show."

"Puttin' my defenses up cause I don't wanna fall in love," Mallory sang. "If I ever did that. I think I'd have a heart attack."

As the chorus progressed and Mallory's voice grew with intensity, the girls walked around the stage.

"Never break a sweat for the other guys," Alexa smirks, emerging from the crowd of her choir mates and finding her way to the front again. "When you come around, I get paralyzed and every time I try to be myself it comes out wrong like a cry for help. It's just not fair. Pain's more trouble than love is worth. I gasp for air it feels so good, but you know it hurts."

"But you make me wanna act like a girl," Natasha sang. "Paint my nails and wear perfume for you. Make me so nervous that I just can't hold your hand."

"You make me glow, but I cover up won't let it show," all the girls sang together, their voices sliding in unison.

"Puttin' my defenses up cause I don't wanna fall in love," Mallory belted out. "If I ever did that  
I think I'd have a heart attack."

"The feelings got lost in my lungs," Alexa sings, her voice filling the gym. "They're burning, I'd rather be numb and there's no one else to blame. So scared I take off and I run. I'm flying too close to the sun and I burst into flames. You make me glow, but I cover up, won't let it show."

"Puttin' my defenses up," the girls finished. "Cause I don't wanna fall in love. If I ever did that. I think I'd have a heart attack."

Applause filled the gym as the girls bounded down the steps, getting lost once again in the crowd. Alexa didn't pay much attention to the next group to shuffle onto the stage. Not the New Directions, but the boys from Dooley Noted. The Trouble Tones would climb up their next, relieving the New Directions of their duties for at least two songs. That left enough time to actually get to see their dates for a few minutes. Maybe they would even go a little crazy and dance. Who knew, the night was just kicking off and they were young. The night was theirs and they could do anything they wanted.


	14. Chapter 14

**I OWN NOTHING! NOT GLEE OR CHASING CARS BY SNOW PATROL!**

 **I recognize that this chapter is significantly shorter than what I usually write and I also know that it's very low quality and weird, but I don't even know. I don't know where I was going with this, but I guess here it is.**

Alexa was completely wrapped up in Thayer. Chris almost couldn't bear to break them apart, they were just so cute standing there in their own world. She looked at him so happily, her big green eyes carrying a kind of glow he hadn't seen in far too long. But it was _almost._ He had no qualms stepping in to break up the couple. He even got a little bit of joy from tapping her on the shoulder and watching Thayer's face transform into a deep look of annoyance.

"We're up, baby-doll," Chris smiled, brushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"I'll be back in a minute, babe," Alexa smiled, pressing a soft kiss to Thayer's lips before turning and disappearing into the crowd with Chris. Before climbing up the steps, she pulled her hair into a ponytail, the curls falling in waterfalls down her back. With her thumb, she wiped a smudge of lipstick off of her lip and followed her duet partner onto the stage.

Alexa stood in front of the microphone, Chris only a few feet away from her smiling at her. The music played and she closed her eyes as Chris started.

"We'll do it all," Chris began. "Everything, on our own."

"We don't need anything or anyone," Alexa added, her voice captivating the people crowded into the gym. By now, the groups had all coupled off. There were people swaying to the music, lost in the words and lost in each other.

She wanted that for herself, craved it even. Alexa had Thayer, but everything with him felt so fake, so cliché. It was physical, even if she never let them get that far. She wanted something real. Something like her parents had or all her aunts and uncles had. She wanted something like Ally and Chris had. Was there a secret to it, she wondered. Was it something she had yet to unlock or was it something she would never be able to have?

"If I lay here," Chris sang.

"If I just lay here," Alexa smiled.

"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" They sang together, the chemistry boiling between them undeniable.

"I don't quite know," Alexa sang. This had always been one of her favorite songs, never one to listen to the crap that was being played on the radio these days. "How to say, how I feel."

"Those three words are said too much, they're not enough," Chris said.

He felt completely and utterly connected to Alexa in that moment, like they were speaking in a language that only they could understand. If he looked at her, he would see just how closed off she really was to the world, her body tense and her eyes closed. But that didn't matter to him, she could have been wearing a mask and he would have known how she felt.

"If I lay here," Alexa and Chris sang. "If I just lay here."

"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" Chris continued.

"Forget what we're told before we get too old," Alexa belted out. "Show me a garden that's bursting into life."

"Let's waste time," Chris sang. "Chasing cars around our heads."

"I need your grace," Alexa added. Chris could have sworn that there were tears in her eyes. "To remind me to find my own."

"If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" Chris sang, almost positive that there were tears in his own eyes.

"Forget what we're told before we get too old," Alexa belted out. "Show me a garden that's bursting into life."

"All that I am," they sang together. "All that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see."

"I don't know where," Chris sang. "Confused about how as well."

"Just know that these things will never change for us at all," Alexa continued.

"If I lay here, if I just lay here," they finished, they're voices mixing into something so beautiful there was no question what it was that was building between them. "Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Ally stepped off the stage, a wave of unease washing over her. When she glanced over at Chris, there was something strong swirling in her stomach. "Lex," he said, reaching for her hand, but she was gone before he could do anything to stop her. She left with only a mutter of 'I have to go' before disappearing entirely.

She found Finn standing with Mallory by the punch bowl, both laughing and smiling at each other. All signs of glee escaped their expressions when they saw Alexa. She looked so small with her messy hair, tear stained face and just utter look of confusion she wore.

"Lex," Mallory said, taking a step toward Alexa. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," she whispered, allowing the older girl to pull her into her body. "I think I'm gonna go home. Yeah, I need to go home."

"Should you be driving?" Finn asked, his brow knitting together.

"I'll call Dad," Alexa said. "Tell Thayer I'm sorry. Can I use your phone?"

Finn produced his cell phone and within minutes, Alexa was climbing into the front seat of her father's pick-up truck wearing her older brother's jacket. Her dad didn't say anything or interrogate her. He didn't ask where her shoes were or where Thayer was. He just drove her home and when she didn't move to climb out of the car when they pulled into the driveway, he opened her car door and carried her up to her room.

He hadn't seen her this broken since she was in the hospital. Hadn't been forced to witness this far off gaze since she was hooked up to those machines and bandaged up. Whatever happened to her at that dance had destroyed her world, something he didn't think he could bear to watch his baby girl go through again. Her life had been far too difficult thus far and she hadn't even graduated from high school yet. What more could she possibly take, he wondered as he laid her gently in her bed.


	15. Chapter 15

**I OWN NOTHING! I DO NOT OWN GLEE AND I DO NOT OWN ARMS BY CHRISTINA PERRI!**

This had become habit, the two of them just lying there. Today wasn't any different. The couple was sprawled out in Chris' room, her on his bed and him sidled up right beside her. She had a guitar laid across her body, fingers dancing along the strings strumming an aimless melody. Alexa should have been working on the set list for the impending Nationals or finding a song for the assignment that week, but her mind was far too preoccupied with the tune her brain was composing to worry about such things. In fact, at this moment they were miniscule specks of dirt lodged in the back of her brain, items to be swept up and dealt with some other time.

He seemed to get lost in her tune, far too content with just existing with her in such a close proximity. Chris could feel the warmth radiating off of her pale skin and if he listened close enough, could hear the gentle beat of her heart as it pumped blood and the rhythms that seemed to replace oxygen in the stream. She was inhuman almost, a goddess that was meant to live on Mount Olympus with other mythological characters from ancient Greece. Chris was so caught up in being so close to her that he hardly realized that the melody she was playing turned into an actual song.

"I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart," Alexa starts. Chris shifts so he's lying on his side, looking down on her with a smile. Her eyes were closed, as if she were trying to say something to him, but was far too embarrassed to communicate it to him. There was a slight smirk splayed on her lips and she looked so perfect. "But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start."

"You put your arms around me and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go," Alexa sang. "You put your arms around me and I'm home."

"How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?" She continued, still refusing to let him see her eyes. "I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown."

"I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling, I'll never let our love get so close. You put your arms around me and I'm home," Alexa sings, her face contorting into something unrecognizable while she focuses on the way her fingers stroke the strings and her lips move in a way that's so hypnotic.

"The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved. I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone," Chris sings, his voice climbing over Alexa's.

"You put your arms around me and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go," she adds, still desperately trying to convey something. "I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling. I'll never let our love get so close. You put your arms around me and I'm home."

And just like they closed so suddenly, her eyes flutter open and Chris is staring into these deep emerald pools that have all kinds of emotions floating in them. He sees her desperation mixed in with her admiration. The love mixed in with the insecurities that she harbors deep inside of her. It's all there, out in the open for him to see.

It's intimate. Far more intimate than either of them had ever been with another human being before. Neither were virgins, they had seen other people naked before. But this was a type of intimacy that went so much deeper than skin and physical contact. This was what it felt like to be completely intertwined with another person. It was this moment that made them understand why their parents were so inseparable and how they had endured so much together and alone, but always came back to each other. It was anticipatable, something that was bound to happen. This moment would most definitely end and they would spend the rest of their lives walking around with massive holes in their chests. These holes had always been there, but their emptiness had been dull and unidentifiable. But now, now they knew what it was like to be whole and they would never settle for anything less.

"I try my best to never let you in to see the truth," Alexa sang, her voice hardly louder than a whisper. It didn't matter though, he could only hear her. "And I've never opened up, I've never truly loved till you put your arms around me and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go."

"I hope that you see right through my walls," they sang together, the eye contact never breaking. "I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling. I'll never let our love get so close. You put your arms around me and I'm home."

"You put your arms around me and I'm home," Alexa finished.

Before either could really comprehend what it was that was happening in that moment, the guitar was being tossed to the floor and their lips were connected. It was instinctive, something that their bodies craved. They needed to touch, they had to be connected.

Alexa felt her body disappear as it became one with Chris'. There was no need for separate identities, they were just one entity. Going on from that moment in time, things would always be different. No one would know what it was, but they could certainly see a shift.

Whether they noticed the sheer proximity of their stances while they rehearsed choreography or the gazes that were held far too long, everyone could tell that something was different. Maybe it was the sparkle that had been replaced in Alexa's eyes or the extra hop in Chris' step. It didn't matter really. They could lie and say it was nothing, but everyone knew that it was just that, a lie.


	16. Chapter 16

**I OWN NOTHING! I DON'T OWN GLEE. I DON'T OWN TOP OF THE WORLD BY GREEK FIRE OR IMMORTALS BY FALL OUT BOY OR WONDERLAND BY TAYLOR SWIFT! P.S. those are all freaking fantastic songs and I highly suggest you check them out if you have never heard of them before. You will not be disappointed!**

It was a kind of tradition really, the show circle. It was unheard of to compete without all of them gathering in their close knit little group with their hands intertwined. Something Alexa had heard dated back to the original New Directions. According to Aunt Rachel, it was an honor to even be a part of it, a fact that her mother would testify to. Alexa did have to admit, the whole thing was pretty cool. Set aside the fact that Sam usually stumbled through a pep talk that left everyone confused and they all just reeked of hair product and nervous sweat, the circle was something special.

Alexa smiled as Sam called them all from their dressing rooms and organized them in the lobby of the hotel. People pushed past them giving them dirty looks and the rustle of conversations roared over every word that anyone said, but it didn't matter. In that moment, they were just there. It was just the circle. The rest of the world didn't exist, it was a thought that had been buried in the backs of all of their minds.

Chris' hand found hers and she felt the familiar warmth wrap around her fingers and shoot through the rest of her body like electricity. She shivered at the contact, hoping silently that no one else noticed the flinch. If they didn't notice the sudden movement, they certainly noticed the way her body sunk into his almost subconsciously.

"You guys are the best of the best," Sam said, his pep talk coming to an end. "Now go out there and prove it!"

The boys cheered and the girls smiled as they all put their hands in the middle of the circle and did their little chant. There were hugs exchanged and more makeup was applied. Alexa re-straightened the ends of her ponytail and fussed over her bangs.

The dresses were simple and black. Each garment adorned with a red bow on the back. Their shoes were red and their heels were so high Alexa was horrified that she might stumble through the choreography. Boys had red pants and short sleeved black button ups topped off with polka dot bow ties and leather dress shoes.

Alexa fiddled with the hem of her dress, suddenly very aware of the scar on her collar bone from where her attacker cut her. She ran a finger over the thin pink line, her body becoming rigid as she thought about that night. It was like a flash of darkness before she saw his face so vividly in her mind that a shiver spread up her spine and her blood ran cold in her body.

"Lex," Chris said, pressing a hand to the small of her back. She flinched away from him, his touch startling her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Alexa lied. He saw her hand still on her chest, the sliver of raised skin slithering through her fingers.

Chris brushed her hand away and ran a delicate finger over the scar. He kissed the little blemish on her collar bone, feeling his own heart sag in his chest as he thought about what she had gone through. Another debt that he would spend the rest of his life desperate to repay her. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain she had gone through, reminders of the attack written all over her body.

"We're on in five," Finn said, looking at the couple skeptically. What the hell was going on with them? "Lex, are you good?"

"Yeah," she said, faking a smile. "I think it's just a little preshow jitters."

Finn smiled at her, cupping her cheek with his hand before turning and disappearing with the throngs of other choir members, leaving Alexa and Chris alone in the dressing room. She looked up at him with something that could only be constituted as fear dancing in the depths of her emerald eyes.

"I think the flashbacks are getting worse," she stated, her words even and calculated. As if she were trying to keep herself from stuttering over the severity of the words. "It's like I can't get away from it anymore, all the drugs aren't working anymore. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it."

"We can figure it out together," Chris promised, pulling Alexa's body into his and kissing her gently on the top of her head. She let him hold her, her face buried deep in his chest. She felt warm there, safe even. Both something that the world had denied her the satisfaction of feeling.

She was the first to be pulled back to reality, pulling away from his with a sense of peace replacing the look of unease that had been sprawled on her features. "We have a competition to win," she smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him to the stage. The rest of the glee club had already convened in the wings, vibrating with nervousness and excitement.

A man wearing a headset ushered them all onto the stage where a big red sating curtain kept them hidden from the crowds of people they could hear gathered in the audience. Chris squeezed Alexa's hand, falling in line with the rest of his teammates. This was the moment they had all been waiting for. Each of them couldn't help but think about all the things that had led them to this place. For a lot of them, they were legacies with fates decided back when their parents were in high school.

The music began as the curtain rose to reveal them to the audience.

"On top of the world," Thayer began, walking in front of the choir from his spot in the wings. Natasha walked on from the wing adjacent to him.

"On top of it all, trying to feel invincible," Natasha added as they circled each other.

"Dying on top of the world," they sang together, facing the audience. As the music picked up, the duo ran back to fall in line with the choir that was shifting and dancing behind them.

"I remember the nights," Matthew sang, emerging from the crowd. "Caught up in dreaming my goodbyes. Watching the door for anything more than an ordinary life."

"I remember the days," Mallory added. "New beginnings on an open page."

"With something to prove, and nothing to lose, not a soul to betray," Finn sang.

"Here I am," Alexa belted out, the choir splitting to reveal her as she walked toward the stage. All evidence of her almost-break down mere minutes before completely wiped away. "Living a dream that I can't hold. Here I am, on my own."

"On top of the world," they all sang. "On top of it all, trying to feel invincible."

"I'm dying on top of the world," Thayer sang.

"I remember the lies," Chris and Alexa sang.

"Caught up in building paradise," Chris added.

"The angels were slaves, and demons behaved, and everything was alright," Alexa continued.

"Here I am," Thayer belted out.

"Living a dream that I can't hold," Mallory and Finn sang together. "Here I am on my own."

"On top of the world, on top of it all, trying to feel invincible," they all sang. "On top of the world, on top of it all, trying to feel invincible."

"I'm dying on top of the world," Matthew added.

The music roared and they scattered around the stage, breaking into couples and small groups to execute the choreography that had been drilled into their brains. Thankfully, none of the girls tripped while trying to turn in their death trap shoes.

"I hear the crowds beneath me," Alexa and Chris sang. "I'm wishing they could reach me."

"But I'm on top of the world up here I'm dying alone," Finn and Mallory joined in.

"Inside the walls of gold, outside of happiness," Matthew sang.

"It's all been a show, too late to confess," the choir added.

"No room for heart and soul," Alexa belted out. "No room for innocence. Innocence."

"On top of the world, on top of it all, trying to feel invincible," the choir continued. On top of the world, on top of it all, trying to feel invincible. On top of the world, on top of it all, trying to feel invincible. I'm dying on top of the world."

"Dying on top of the world," Finn finished.

The music began again, this time, it was Alexa who was standing in front of everyone. She felt the eyes of a million strangers on her, something that would have unnerved most people, but calmed her down. This, of all the places she could have picked, was her happy place.

"Flashing lights and we took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole," Alexa began. She felt the familiar hands of her brother throwing her in the air, relishing in the moment of suspension before she came crashing down into the arms of Chris and Matthew. "You held on tight to me 'cause nothing's as it seems. I'm spinning out of control."

She's practically running now as she twists through the other members of the glee club, her body weaving and twisting with unbelievable amounts of grace. "Didn't they tell us don't rush into things? Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?" Alexa sang, every movement coming naturally to her.

"Oh. Didn't it all seem new and exciting? I felt your arms twisting around me. I should have slept with one eye open at night," Alexa sang, allowing Chris to spin her and lift her. She was breathtaking in that moment, as if someone had lit her body on fire. She was beautiful, always had been, but this was different. It was like the audience couldn't look away from her, even if they had wanted to. She was captivating. "We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and we pretended it could last forever. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and life was never worse but never better."

"In wonderland," the girls all sang. "In wonderland. In wonderland. In wonderland."

"So we went on our way," Alexa continued. "Too in love to think straight. All alone or so it seemed, but there were strangers watching and whispers turned to talking and talking turned to screams. Oh!"

"Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?" Alexa sang. "Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile? Oh. Didn't it all seem new and exciting? I felt your arms twisting around me. It's all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind."

"But darling, we found wonderland," she sang so softly, every movement in the audience and on the stage just stopping. She was facing the audience, her body bursting with all this emotion that she was holding in. It was like it was all too much for her to handle anymore. "You and I got lost in it  
And we pretended it could last forever. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it and life was never worse, but never better."

"In wonderland," the girls sang. "In wonderland. In wonderland. In wonderland."

"I reached for you but you were gone," Alexa sang. "I knew I had to go back home. You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had and in the end in wonderland we both went mad."

"We found wonderland," Alexa belted out. "You and I got lost in it. And we pretended it could last forever. We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it. And life was never worse but never better."

"We found wonderland, you and I got lost in it," Alexa sang. "And we pretended it could last forever."

"We found wonderland you and I got lost in it," Alexa finished. "And life was never worse but never better. In wonderland."

They scattered around the stage quickly as the music began. Alexa spun through the moves quickly, falling in line with her teammates as Chris found his spot at center stage.

"They say we are what we are, but we don't have to be," Chris started. "I'm bad behavior but I do it in the best way. I'll be the watcher of the eternal flame. I'll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams. I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass. I try to picture me without you but I can't." 

"Cause we could be immortals, immortals," Alexa sang, feeling the words sliding across her tongue but not really registering in her mind. Was this really where her path had led her? It was less than a year ago that she could never have seen herself climbing back up onto this stage, but here she was. Singing with Chris, who was her boyfriend, something that she had never been able to imagine. But here she was. She was never going to be the girl that she was before she was raped, but she wasn't the girl that she had been pretending to be either. This was who she was. No matter what happened, she would always belong in the spotlight, she would always have a home on stage. That was just something that no one could take away from her.

"Just not for long, for long," Alexa and Finn sang. "And live with me forever now. You pull the blackout curtains down, just not for long, for long."

We could be immor- immortals," they all sang. "Immor- immortals,. Immor- immortals,. Immor- immortals."

Alexa threw her body into an intricate tumbling trick, one that she had spent many hours in the practice room perfecting. It was her muscles that pulled her through the journey she took through the air, remembering the precise movements from her days as a Cheerio.

"Sometimes the only pay-off for having any faith," Mallory sang. "Is when it's tested again and again every day."

"I'm still comparing your past to my future," Chris added. "It might be your wound,but they're my sutures."

"I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass," they all sang.

"I try to picture me without you, but I can't," Natasha belted out.

"'Cause we could be immortals, immortals, just not for long, for long.. And live with me forever now. You pull the blackout curtains down, just not for long, for long," they all sang. "We could be immor- immortals, immor- immortals."

"Immortals," Alexa sang. Chris watched her as she flashed through the movements, the lyrics spilling from her mouth with something that looked like anger written all over her face. "And live with me forever now, pull the blackout curtains down."

"We could be immortals, immortals, just not for long, for long," they all finished. "We could be immor- immortals, immor- immortals, immor- immortals, immor- immortals."

They were hardly off the stage, the ring of the audiences approval still drowning out every other noise, when Alexa pulled Chris into her by his collar and smashed her lips against his. It was about time that everyone knew the truth and even if they disapproved, who cared? She just wanted him. She was shocked, however, to hear applause not just from the strangers who had just witnessed their performance, but from her friends.

When she finally did pull away from Chris, both of them gasping for breath and hearts pounding with desire, she saw the rest of the choir gathered around them clapping and smiling. Finn surprised her the most.

"It's about damn time," he chuckled clapping Chris on the back.

"What?" Alexa asked.

"You guys have been practically having eye sex since Regionals," Mallory said. "Don't tell us you didn't know that."

"You guys knew?" Chris asked incredulously, holding Alexa to his side with an arm slung over her shoulder.

"It wasn't like you guys were quiet about it," Finn said. "Lex, the walls aren't as thin as you might think."

"Even I knew," Thayer added, smiling a little bit. "The whole school did after your guys' little show at Prom. It was really only a matter of time."

"I'm happy for you kids," Sam smiled. "If I'm not mistaking, it was on this very stage that your mother's life changed, Chris."

"What are you talking about?" Chris asked.

"Has no one ever told you the story?" Sam said. "It's why we have the 'no kissing on stage' rule."

When no one said anything, Sam continued.

"It was the first Nationals the New Directions had been to in several years and we lost because Finn Hudson kissed Rachel Berry after professing his undying love for her in a song that he wrote. It was quite adorable actually, you know, aside from it losing us the title, but we won the next year."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Alexa chuckled. "The first New Directions was one messed up group of people. Did you all just make out with each other for fun? I mean, you dated my mom and Chris' mom and Jennifer from the Trouble Tones' mom. Finn dated my mom and Chris' mom. My dad dated Chris' mom, had a baby with my mom, dated both of Madison and Aaron's moms, slept with Chris' grandma and probably a momentous amount of other women. Chris' dad dated his mom, egged her, told her that he loved her and then, after like ten years, married her. What the hell was wrong with, you people?"

"We were teenagers," Sam defended. "We did all kinds of stupid stuff. 


	17. Chapter 17

**I OWN NOTHING! I DO NOT OWN GLEE AND I DO NOT OWN I GOT YOU BY LEONA LEWIS. I SIMPLY OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE CHARACTERS THAT ARE FIGMENTS OF MY OWN HOPEFUL AND WISHFUL IMAGINATION!**

 **Anyway, enjoy and please tell me what you guys think. I appreciate criticism!**

Alexa sat Chris down in the front row of the auditorium, making him swear to stay where she left him and keep his blind fold on until she said. He relented, unable to help the smile that crept across his lips. He could hear the sound of her cherry red converse hitting the ground and fade as she ran away. He even chuckled when he heard her mutter angrily under her breath as there was the squeak of sneakers on the stairs, a telltale sign that she had certainly stumbled.

"Okay," she shouted, a gesture that was unnecessary. "You can take off the blindfold."

Chris pulled the bandanna that she had tied tightly around his head and saw Alexa and a group of their classmates surrounding her. "This is my birthday gift to you," Alexa smiled. All of them were dressed similarly. Plain white t-shirts, dark jeans and colored sneakers. "Well, one of a few."

The music started and Chris watched them fall into their lines, Alexa standing in the center of the stage highlighted by the spotlight.

"A place to crash," Alexa started. "I got you, no need to ask, I got you. Just get on the phone, I got you. Come and pick you up if I have to. What's weird about it is we're right at the end and mad about it. Just figured it out in my head. I'm proud to say I got you."

"Go ahead and say goodbye," she continued. "I'll be alright. Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you. I got you."

"Ain't falling apart or bitter. Let's be bigger than that and remember the cooling outdoor when you're all alone. We'll go on surviving. No drama, no need for a show. Just wanna say, I got you."

This was more than a birthday present, this ran so much deeper than that. She was showing him how much she loved him in the only way she knew how. Alexa would never be able to articulate just how strongly she felt for the boy sitting in the front row, but she could sing about it. She could tell him that she would love him forever. That he could just demolish her heart and she would still be waiting for him to come back.

"Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright," Alexa continued. Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you. Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright. Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you."

'Cause this is love and life and nothing we can both control," Alexa belted out. "And if it don't feel right, you're not losing me by letting me know."

She would always be there, always love him. It might have been pathetic almost, but to him it was beautiful. Chris didn't plan to break her heart, but he was a royal jack-ass with a massive ego and an attitude problem. He was sure that someday he would do something stupid, if history were any indicator. This was him promising that she would always, always love him.

"Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright," she sang. "Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you. Go ahead and say goodbye, I'll be alright. Go ahead and make me cry, I'll be alright. And when you need a place to run to, for better for worse, I got you."

"A place to crash," Alexa finished. "I got you, no need to ask, I got you."

The final words were hardly out of her mouth before Chris was sprinting up the stage and tackling her into a kiss that would have made a priest blush. She was startled by the contact at first, feeling his gigantic hands on her arms and his lips connecting with the corner of her lips. He was far too desperate to just touch her to care how sloppy and slobbery the kiss was.

It didn't take long for both of them to forget the audience that was surrounding them still. In fact it wasn't until Finn cleared his throat rather awkwardly as he imagined just how much therapy he was going to require to overcome the emotional scar that was left imprinted in his mind after witnessing his baby sister making out with someone.

"Sorry," Alexa said, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks. She wiped at the smudged lip balm, a futile effort really, seeing how it was all over hers and Chris' mouths. She chuckled when she saw the state of Chris' lips, parted as heavy breaths were inhaled and exhaled. "You got a little something on your face."

Chris didn't even bother to cringe as she full out mommed him right then and there in front of most of their friends. She licked her thumb and swiped it over his lips, neither really concerned with the lack of sanitation the act promoted or the snickers that came mostly from the guys.

"Thanks," Chris smiled.

"We're gonna give you two a moment," Mallory said. "Just, ya know, use protection."

"Mall," Alexa whined, earning a giggle from the older girl who led the rest of the club shuffling up the aisle and through the double doors. When they were alone, Alexa asked the single question she was dying to ask.

"So," she began. "What did you think?"

"I loved it," Chris exclaimed. "I love you, babe."

"I love you, too," she smiled, accepting the little peck he planted on her lips.


	18. Chapter 18

**I OWN NOTHING! I DO NOT OWN GLEE AND I DO NOT OWN NEVER GROWING UP BY AVRIL LAVIGNE.**

 **Just a head's up, this is the last chapter. Not only is there really nothing else I can do to continue this story, I have also reached a point where I find that it is simply ridiculous to drag out the inevitable. As much as I hate to say it, nothing lasts forever. I cannot make this last any longer than it has and I, being the author, am the only one who can decide when it is time to end my fic. We have reached that point. Thank you to all who have read my fic, an even greater thank you to all that reviewed. I appreciate your feedback and loved hearing from all of you. I love you all.**

 **Love,**

 **Kaylie**

"Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs," Alexa shouted into the microphone, the music blaring as the graduating class of 2035 danced in front of the stage. The members of the glee club that weren't graduating were gathered on the stage singing, Alexa taking the lead. "With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love, got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk singing here's to never growing up."

The music slowed a little and Alexa pulled the mic off the stand, holding it in her hand now. She had on this short purple dress that hugged her body and tall black heels, her hair water fall braided and curled. All the other choir kids dressed up too.

Mr. Shue had hired –more like enlisted –the glee club to perform at the graduation ceremony after the seniors had marched across the stage. Alexa didn't mind the performance, happily taking any opportunity she was handed to perform.

"Call up all our friends, go hard this weekend," Alexa continued. "For no damn reason, I don't think we'll ever change. Meet you at the spot, half past ten o'clock. We don't ever stop, and we're never gonna change."

"Say, won't you stay forever, stay," Alexa sang. "If you stay forever, hey, we can stay forever young."

"Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs," she belted out as she moved. "With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love. Got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk, singing, here's to never growing up."

The whole crowd, even the parents gathered in the back of the auditorium, watched her. She was shining bright up on that stage, far brighter than what that small town could handle. How could they not watch her? No one had seen talent like that since Rachel Berry had played Maria in Westside Story. And this, this moment was Alexa's debut. They had always known that the Puckerman girl was talented, but this was so much greater than any of them could recollect.

"We'll be running down the street, yelling 'Kiss my ass!' I'm like yeah whatever, we're still living like that," Alexa smiled. "When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups, singing, here's to never growing up."

"Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up," the choir sang. "Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up."  
Alexa smiled into her microphone, giving her gift to the senior class. The glee club had already finished their goodbye week, this wrapping up the farewells and tear shed. It was hard to believe that her brother was leaving for college in a few months. It was hard to believe that her junior year was drawing to an end. It was hard to believe that she was so close to being an adult. Time was moving so quickly and she had hardly noticed, only now realizing how lucky she was to have people that loved her so deeply.

"We live like rock stars, dance on every bar, this is who we are, I don't think we'll ever change," Alexa sang. "They say 'just grow up', but they don't know us. We don't give a fuck, and we're never gonna change."

"Say, won't you say 'forever'. Stay, if you stay forever. Hey, we can stay forever young," Alexa and Chris sang together, their arms snaking around the other. "Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs, with the boom box blaring as we're falling in love. Got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk, singing, here's to never growing up."

"We'll be running down the street, yelling, 'Kiss my ass!'" Alexa belted out. "I'm like yeah, whatever, we're still living like that. When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups, singing, here's to never growing up."

"Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up," the choir sang, all of them now standing with their hands locked and their bodies connected somehow. They were unified, a single body, a family coming together. It was crazy to think that less than a year ago they had been separated, Alexa so far away from where she belonged. "Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up. Say, won't you say 'forever'. Stay, if you stay forever. Hey, we can stay forever young."

"Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs," the senior class added, climbing up the stairs to the stage still clad in their red caps and gowns. "With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love. I got a bottle of whatever, but it's getting us drunk, singing, here's to never growing up."

"We'll be running down the street, yelling, 'Kiss my ass!'" They all sang together as the new adults integrated themselves into the remaining members of the New Directions. "I'm like yeah, whatever, we're still living like that. When the sun's going down, we'll be raising our cups, singing, here's to never growing up."

"Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up," Alexa finished. "Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up. Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up. Oh whoa, oh whoa, here's to never growing up."


End file.
